Surviving Rough Roads

Hey there, remember me? My blog has been pretty quiet lately. I've been writing and re-writing this post in my head for the past several days, but I kept chickening out. Since Easter Sunday I have allowed myself too many un-clean eats. I had planned on eating for fun and celebration ON Easter. The problem was that I didn't make a clean plan for Monday, or Tuesday or, well you get the idea.

One of my goals for this blog is to be honest about my life as a Survivor. There are times when I don't want live from a Survivor's perspective, though. Sometimes I just want to enjoy the moment. I want to get down on the floor with my toddler nieces and nephews and let them playfully and joyfully crawl on me and not worry about hurting my knees or anything else. I want to eat fast food and drink beer with my sister and just talk about random stuff without having to wonder if what I just ate and drank would be the start to a third recurrence.

This way of living- short or long term- isn't good for weight loss, of course. How will these food choices affect my weight loss?, has been the loudest question in my mind for years. Yes, I should think of this question before I eat. Yes, I should do this more often. It's something that I, an emotional eater, have been working on and improving for years.

However, the more potent and relevant question to myself should be- How will this food choice affect my risk of a third cancer recurrence? Asking myself this question before I eat something is critically important. Taking the focus off weight loss is also critically important, because losing weight is just one part of the preventing a third go-round. Yes, losing weight is important but it's not my ultimate goal. Losing weight is the wonderful side effect of clean plant based eating for me. If I thought, ate and planned from this greater perspective it would eliminate that pesky weight loss question mark. Crazy cool, huh?

Surviving cancer twice has been the catalyst to eating cleaner, yes, but also to exercising smarter, enjoying my family and friends in a deeper way, sharing this journey of Survivorship with honesty so that other Survivors and Prevent-ers may find inspiration, and finding peace with my food and body issues.

But how do I reconcile those days of unclean food choices once they are over? As I Survivor I wonder if that half a cheeseburger and cheese curds I shared with my mom and sister while on a mini-vacation last weekend will be the meal that starts that third recurrence on a cellular level. Living in fear isn't the answer, I realize, but for me an ounce of fear for another recurrence can sometimes act as a good motivator and reminder. It's difficult to find the balance between healthy fear, planning and everyday living for me as a Survivor.

Yesterday's gone and I can't go back. So, I'm moving forward with a refreshed attitude and approach, cravings satisfied, a few new fitness friends, and a clean eating plan. This Survivor's journey travels some rough roads at times, but I keep moving forward!