About Me

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2 time ovarian cancer Survivor, Advocate for ovarian cancer awareness & research, Teacher of Zen Method Tai Chi, Blogger, sharing the wonderment and power of essential oils, proud fan of Cathe Friedrich's workouts, Reiki practitoner, A Course in Miracles student, paper crafter

Sunday, March 6, 2011

12 Days of SINS

The SINS challenge has been a wonderful push of motivation and inspiration for me. All these bloggers are so incredible!! I'm doing really well and sticking to my daily goals which is, of course, getting me closer to my short and long term goals. Yesss!! Love how I'm feeling, thinking and living these days! 


I've lost 3 pounds in the past 12 days! Whoohooo!! That makes a total of 9.8 pounds since January. How joyfully awesome is THAT number?!? My reward today was fitting comfortably into a pair of very cute capris in a size smaller than I've been wearing. Yay!! Of course, there are lots of other rewards too. I feel generally better, less pressure on my sore post-chemo knees, I'm stronger (and strong IS the new skinny, in case you haven't heard), I'm making better food and portion size choices without feeling deprived, less emotional eating, and all these powerful anti-cancer foods are working their magic to help keep me in remission. That's just to name a few. 


One of my original goals for the SINS blogger challenge was to lose an additional 7 pounds by April 23. I am very sure that I can reach that goal, so I'm bumping it up. My new goal is to lose 12 more pounds by April 23. That would bring me down to pre-cancer #2 treatment weight. That will totally rock! 


I am becoming more gracious and loving towards my body, and learning to accept it as it is right now. My body has been through soooo much the past 2 years. I've had 2 major surgeries, 2 minor out-patient surgeries, several CT scans, a few PET scans, 6 weeks of radiation, and 6 chemo treatments. And this body is still goin' strong! I am deeply thankful for my health and the ability and opportunity to improve it. 


I shared my very honest, though not very self-kind, feelings about my body and the role it may have played in my cancers in this post.  Ironically, as I lose weight I am realizing that there is just no place for that kind of negative thinking or energy. One of my dearest friends, Christine wrote me an email after reading that post. She graciously gave me permission to share part of it here. She wisely said,  "That is such an honest feeling. And these are things that people feel all the time, but are afraid to say it out loud. I'm glad you were able to share and maybe help someone. And really? Say your weight DID partially cause the cancer. It's not like you CHOSE to be overweight. You didn't. First of all, you do have some genetics that factor into your body type. And then , you never ate purposefully to GET cancer. You ate for different reasons. For stress, for enjoyment (celebrations), and your eating habits were formed psychologically as well , over many years. I just don't think either way you are to blame. Ever. I hope that kind of makes sense. I'm sorry you have to go through these emotions, but it is good you got them out there!"


I've read these words over and over, and they always makes me feel better. I am sharing this here so Survivors, Fighters and Preventers out there can benefit from my experience and feelings, and Christine's wise and lovingly words. It's so hard to make sense of out of having cancer, and making peace with (usually) not having a definitive answer to the question- Why me? It's tough to not blame our bodies at some point during the cancer journey, but I truly hope that each Survivor reaches a new and deeper peace, respect and love toward their body. 


I am connected to 3 people who are in cancer treatment right now. Please send your positive energy and prayers to Jessica, Nancy, and my friend Heidi's sister. My daily prayer continues to be for peace, love and a cure for all of us. 
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