Baby Peep's 1st Birthday & Cancerversary

A year ago today, at about this time, I was almost finished with my very first chemo treatment. This cancerversary is hitting me hard today. I don't really understand why. I've felt overwhelmed with raw sadness and fear a few times today. I had a few hysterical crying meltdowns, even.  I got crabby with the fussy birthday baby boy, and then felt like the worst person on the planet for doing so.

I've come such a long way since chemo, but it feels like I have such a long way to go to earn the title 'fully healthy' again. I don't LOOK like I'm cancer-sick anymore, and that's awesome. However, I still don't LOOK healthy either and that's frustrating. I get angry with myself- with my body- over it sometimes. I do my best to replace that anger, frustration and sadness with thankfulness, peace, and self-love. I kind of forgot about those replacements this morning, but now I remember.

One of the many things I'm thankful for is that the baby Peep of my family was born today. I'm thankful for it because it brings happiness to a day that otherwise wasn't very happy. I'm thankful that I felt good enough to go from my chemo suite directly to the women's hospital. I'm thankful that my sister, Heidi, shared her precious new baby boy with me. I got to hold him very soon after he was born which was a very special treat.

And so did Nana...

I'm thankful for all the time I've gotten to spend with JJ. It was a wonderful gift to have a sweet baby to snuggle with through treatment and these early months of remission.

We've grown hair together, too!

I let his Mama have some snuggle time, too. 

And his Daddy and sister, Kallie, too. 

I've thankful to be able to watch him, and my other Peeps, grow up. 

I'm thankful the laughter and joy my Angel Fish brings to my family.

Happy FIRST Birthday, JJ! 

5 Years Ago I Fell in Love

Five years ago today my baby sister, Sally, gave life to Zoey Marie. Zoey was the first of three adorable girls of my family and has brought a beautiful richness to all of our lives.

My 'baby's sister Sally with newborn Zoey.

 Little did I know 5 years ago that Zoey would be as much MY daughter as Sally's, or that I could love another person SO much. In the early months of Zoey's life I was blessed to care for her and 'mother' her while Sally was in college. That was as close to being a real Mommy as I would ever get, but I didn't know that at the time. Those precious months with Zoey filled a space in my heart and soul, and gave me the strength to make right-for-me choice to have a hysterectomy at 33 years old as cancer #1's treatment. I have loved that beautiful sweet angel, my Sweet Pea, from the moment I saw her. 

Me and newborn Zoey.

My other sister, Heidi, was a third mommy to Zoey. She's gone on to become Mommy to two of her own beautiful angels- Kallie and JJ. (More on this tomorrow, which is another very special day... )

Nana and Zoey have a special bond, too. Still do and always will. 

Happy 5th Birthday, Sweet Pea!! 

I couldn't love you more, and I'm so proud of the sweet and tender hearted young lady that you are today. I love being hair twins with you right now! 

Zoey and me at the park in Austin, TX about a month ago.

 All the girls in my family are celebrating Zoey's birthday with a special lunch at Chik-fil-a then the little girls will get their first spa treatments. It's sure to be a special, fun, and memorable day. This evening Zoey's family and friends will gather at Nana's to celebrate. An awesome 5th birthday day for my Sweet Pea, and I'm very thankful to alive and healthy to be a part of it. 

I'm still riding on from last Tuesday's awesomeness. I couldn't actually put together or otherwise play with my new Cathe Turbo Tower until Friday. Thankfully it was very easy to assemble! I had to rearrange the furniture in gym/bedroom to make everything flow together well, but I'm thrilled with new set up. Wanna see?

This is what I see what I walk into my room. Awesome!!

The drawer is open to show the paper plate I'm using in Cathe's STS series for Leg work, but it's hard to tell. 

Love it!! Many thanks, dear Marine, for the thoughtful and useful gifts. Stay safe, wherever you may be.

This Memorial Day I'll be remembering and honoring my Bapa who served in the Navy during WWII, my Great Uncle Harvey who was wounded in WWII, 'my' Marine and his military brothers many who have served since Persian Gulf War, my mentor and dear friend Curt who served in the Air Force during the Vietnam War and later in the Navy, his son Byron who is currently serving in the Army, and any man or woman who has proudly served with honor and duty. Thank you for putting your life on the line for freedom and justice. I wish all the member of the military and their families wisdom, courage, Divine protection and a safe return to United States soil. 

Our Gift to the Fallen
A Short Poem by Charlie Gragg
Penryn, California

For each soldier that has fallen so that many may stand
We honor their spirit as they pass to God's hand
For without their sacrifice we would live forever in fear
We pray for their loved ones and provide a salute and a tear
God help us heal the wounds of hate and the misery of war
That is our gift to our fallen heroes that are amongst us no more.