Cancer anniversaries are strange. Some are very happy and full of relief. Some are sad. Some are both. Many of my cancer anniversaries have happy and sad aspects. These recent anniversaries stir up some sadness and fear of the unknown for me. The Spirit part of me wants to shut down the little voice of doubt as I know that negative thoughts of any kind breeds negative energy. And I know that the opposite of Love and Light is negative energy masked in fear or doubt. I know that I have a lot of power when it comes to choosing and changing my thoughts. LOVE is healing and Light. I've been using this knowledge as a weapon, but it's been a struggle today.
I want to keep this blog as full of positive energy as I can, but I would be remiss if I didn't share the dark times. My life isn't all sunshine and roses. There are times when I worry about being too much of a burden on my family, wonder about health insurance and upcoming cancer check-ups. There are moments when the reality of what I survived rushes into my soul and burbles out in some way.
A very good and wise friend suggested earlier today that I may be in the process of releasing some old negative emotions. As the day went one I felt more and more that she was right. I'm thankful for wise and dear friends. I really do feel as if I'm releasing some of the old fear and sadness from my treatment days. Somehow knowing this made it okay to feel my way through it and cry it out. Today was a cancer aftershock brought on by anniversaries and my annual Relay for Life walk. I'm proud of myself for not turning to food for comfort. I turned to exercise instead. I did 4 different Cathe Friedrich DVDs today. I loved it, all that sweat is cleansing. I started the workout with 25 minutes of step aerobics, then it was onto STS Disc 15 Back & Biceps, then I added on the bonus stability ball abs from Butts & Guts, and finished it up with a 15 minute stretch using the stability ball. I'm so thankful that my body can workout like this again, and for the refuge of exercise.
Relay for Life brings up a lot of emotions for me. It just so happens that the weekend after I moved home last year was Relay weekend. I even gave a speech, which honestly wasn't very good. ha! I think of all the people I know that are Survivors now and the kinship I feel with them. I've been thinking of the people I know that have passed on to the next life because of cancer... and of the women that I know who are Fighting with all their might right now. I don't happen to know any men, personally, right now who are Fighters. Cancer doesn't discriminate though.
This year's Fayette County, Tennessee, Relay for Life Walk is this coming Saturday, the 21st, into Sunday morning. If you're able to donate monetarily I would very much appreciate your donation of any size. If you're not able to donate money, then please take a moment to send your Love and Light to cancer all Survivors and Fighters. My sister, Heidi, and I will be Celebrating. Remembering. Fighting Back just the two of us this year. I'll also be Tweeting through the evening and night. So if you haven't followed me on Twitter yet, don't wait much longer!
- 2 time ovarian cancer Survivor, Advocate for ovarian cancer awareness & research, Teacher of Zen Method Tai Chi, Blogger, sharing the wonderment and power of essential oils, proud fan of Cathe Friedrich's workouts, Reiki practitoner, A Course in Miracles student, paper crafter