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2 time ovarian cancer Survivor, Advocate for ovarian cancer awareness & research, Teacher of Zen Method Tai Chi, Blogger, sharing the wonderment and power of essential oils, proud fan of Cathe Friedrich's workouts, Reiki practitoner, A Course in Miracles student, paper crafter

Monday, November 1, 2010

Countdowns Part II

Countdowns are a part of most people’s lives. We countdown until the weekend, a vacation, or a holiday. Some people, a-hem ME, also countdown to things that aren’t so much fun such as going to the dentist. During my cancer treatment I counted down to surgery, then the end of radiation, then the end of chemo with lots of little countdowns in-between. I, also, counted down to moving home so I could continue treatment surrounded by my family. I mixed fun countdowns with the not so fun ones, and tried to focus on the positives.

I’ll have my post-chemo CT scan and physical exam in 9 days. I’m truly expecting positive news from this scan. I’m a bit anxious about talking with my oncologist, because I don’t want to forget to ask any important questions and I don’t want to hear any answers that I may not like. After over a year of waiting, tests, and treatments I feel like I’m finally getting some control over my body and life again, and I don’t want to hear anything that would change that from my gyn oncologist. I want to get on with getting on with my life!

I’m also doing a different kind of countdown. My youngest sister, her husband and 3 of ‘my’ Peeps are moving to Texas in 19 days. I am happy for them because the city they are moving to is a wonderful and beautiful place for a family. I am happy for them because the job my brother-in-law got is a fantastic career opportunity. I am heartbroken to lose them from my daily life, as are my other sister and my Mom. I feel as if I just got them ‘back’ when I moved home 5 short months ago. Each moment we share together between now and then is bittersweet. My middle niece, who almost 3, snuggled on the couch with me last night and was delighted to watch me blow bubble after bubble with my gum. It was amazing how much joy we both got out of those few minutes. I am heartbroken to countdown to this change and can't imagine not having those Peeps here with us. Yet, I know that change is the only true constant in life and that we choose to make the change better or worse by the energy and attitude that we put into it.

Pauline R. Kezer once said, “Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.”

The continuity of my family has always been unconditional love. We live in it every day no matter where each of us are physically or emotionally. We appreciate it, silently depend on it, and recognize that it’s precious. However, a root by itself is pretty boring even though it’s strong. Roots are meant to hold up and feed it’s branches. As my sister and her family move a new bud of change is pushing itself out of the family’s root and is stretching into Texas. The Connie-branch has a new bud of change, too. I’m changing from patient to Survivor, from a life on hold with cancer to a life free of cancer. May both new branches stretch and grow healthfully while rooted in love and powered by positive thoughts, words and energy.

The countdown continues....

2 comments:

  1. My dear friend Connie...this is one of the most profound blogs you could have written after all that has come and continues to come your way! Amazing...and you were worried how your blogging would turn out... ;)

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  2. I agree, VERY profound. You have such a way of sorting things in your life out and making sense of them. I will keep you in my prayers for positive outcomes and for ALL the new branches to grow positively!!!

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