I Surprise Myself- Twice

After my first Teal 5K I felt really good, and so gung ho about continuing to train for another 5K. "I am a runner, I really did it!"- I said that to myself many times. I'm amazed and grateful for this body that can do so much after enduring so much abuse and cancer treatment.

 In my delirious post-first-race joy I even committed to running the St. Jude HALF MARATHON in December of 2013 with an awesome and precious online friend. She runs  quite a few races, but offered to do this HM with me at my own pace. I was so touched and just couldn't resist meeting her and running with her so I quickly agreed. It just may turn into a fabulous meeting of a group of online friends, right before my 40th birthday. Whoa, 40th... Wait...what. That can't be right. Someone check those numbers.

Moving on... 

And so I started imaging myself running a half marathon... taking it from blurry disbelief to crystal clear images....

The Monday following the Teal 5K I stood up from a kitchen chair, as I have thousands of times in my life, and my back and outer thighs lit up in fiery pain. Sciatica, my mind immediately told me. I experienced a similar sciatic event last September, remember? (I don't really expect you to remember.)

I was crushed and broken spirited. I was angry at the radiation treatments that caused that area of my body to be weakened and vulnerable. I wasn't sure I could or should run again. I was slapped in the face with the reminder that treatment may be done, but it's not 100% over. 

Then I remembered not to focus on what I didn't want- pain, suffering, misery, depression- and shifted into gratitude and filling my mind and mouth with words of healing, love and encouragement. 

My life has such amazing synchronicity. I had made a reflexology appointment for next day with Footsteps in Eden, originally to de-stress and pamper my body after the 5K. How fortuitous. It was excruciating to walk, and I couldn't drive. I'm so grateful to have a sister who could chauffeur me to this appointment. Synchronicity strikes again. 

Reflexology and Young Living's essential oils are what helped me recover and heal from last year's sciatic event, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that combo would come through for me again. And it has! This article explains how reflexology relaxes the sciatic nerve and why it's so important. <Do you use reflexology?> 

Lynn, of Footsteps in Eden, uses Young Living Essential Oils and instinctively knew that Juniper essential oil would be helpful to my healing. She was absolutely right! Juniper was a new oil to me, and I always enjoy finding new miracles of Divine nature. A few minutes after she first rubbed a couple drops of Juniper oil into my sciatic reflex I felt my lower back release and relax. Ahhhhhh. I ordered my own bottle when I got home. 

Here's more information Juniper Essential Oil... which can also be helpful for skin conditions, improving the health of  your kidneys, relieving bladder infections, easing liver problems, varicose veins and ulcers to just name a few. 

By the end of the first session I felt majorly relieved and found myself moving a bit easier. Reflexology often has a cumulative effect, which was true in this situation for me. I faithfully applied the Juniper essential oil and rubbed my own sciatic reflex over the next few days and noticed marked improvement every morning. A miracle, truly. Last year's sciatic event caused me to 'down and out' for a couple of months. 

This past Tuesday I had another tranquil reflexology treatment and feel only a slight vague tightness in my lower back afterwards.  Today it was almost Noon before I even noticed or remembered this sciatic event. Astounding. Miracles and synchronicity at their best. 

I am in awe of God's loving healing and energy in my life, even at my darkest moments I know Light is in me and surrounding me. 

I've decided to continue to run, but I will start training from square one to rebuild my strength in my lower back and core so I can avoid another sciatic event in my future. I'm starting with walking for a few weeks, and I'm planning on reading Chi Running. I'm drawn to the 'chi' concept... but more on that in my next post. I'll escalate my half marathon training from there, and be ready for St. Jude's Half Marathon next December. (Who said that??) 

What are YOU doing next December? Want to join us?   

Teal 5K

The beautiful and busy TEAL month of September has somehow ended already. It was an incredible month of activity and advocacy to raise awareness of ovarian cancer which left me little time to write about it. Ironically when I was blogging regularly I didn't have much of a life, and now that my life is so rich and full I haven't much time for blogging. I'm grateful for this life I've created, and am committed to blogging much more often.

This tiny blog is about to play a big role in a project called The Zen Method that I am honored and excited about... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My last post was right before Teal for a Cure, my first running/walking 5K. Last year this event, without the 5K, had 225 participants. This year with the 5K added in we had an astonishing 909 participants! It was a sea of glorious TEAL. It felt surreal being there with all those people... I felt like I missed so much of it even though I was there... overwhelming grateful to everyone who worked so hard to create and support event and for all the people who donated their money and sweat to raise awareness of ovarian cancer.

Before the Race started the cameras clicked...

My running guru for the hour, Susan. She knew when to push me and when to slow down. She rocks.

My 2 oldest Peeps, TEAL Princesses. They were so excited to be at the "Teal Walk'.

I wasn't well prepared for this Race in many ways. I started training way too late and pushed myself too hard. I didn't get much sleep for the whole month of September, especially the 2 nights before this Race. I didn't drink nearly enough water the morning of the Race, and only ate a banana. Mentally I pushed those things aside, but my body was not to be tricked. I was about out of steam and my body tried to tell me by setting my throat on fire when I woke up at 5am. 

So, I Raced unprepared, exhausted, un-hydrated (un??)... but I was determined to Race.

I ran in memory & honor of my friend, fellow Cathlete & Teal Sister who earned her teal Wings a couple days before this Race.

My new friend, and Teal Sister, Marie (pictured below) graciously and thankfully ran and walked along side me and Susan. She came from out of town to be a part of the event, and didn't know anyone. I know her mom, a graceful strong and kind woman, and so I befriended her. Marie has those same beautiful characteristics of her mom. I am honored that she stuck with me through the Race as I know she could have finished much faster if she choose to. That's what Survivors- despite the color of our ribbons- do for each other. We hang on, hang in, encourage, share... 

L- Leisa Middle- Marie R me

There were A. LOT. OF. HILLS. I heard seasoned runners call this course 'tough'. The first mile was all shady climb then it flattened out and the sun beat down on us. My running guru for the hour, Susan, was so encouraging and kind. She even made up a cheer for me to the Mickey Mouse tune' C O N N I E it's her first 5K! Yay!'. God love her. 

I didn't have time before the long walk up hill to the start line to grab my interval timer so decided to just wing it. Not so smart. So I ran as much as I could, but walked much more than I had intended. My body was exhausted and just wasn't going to be forced into a stellar performance. 

Then again, I WAS out there giving it my all ... and I'm quite proud of that. 

We hit the second water hole and I couldn't believe we were two thirds done! I had a burst of energy and thankfully we got back into shade. I pushed along... and then there was the 3 mile flag. JOY!! Susan encouraged me to run that last 0.1 of a mile- downhill- to the finish line... and we did. I ran as fast as I could and was pleasantly shocked to see 56 minutes on the timer. By some wonderful miracle I was going to finish in less than 60 minutes despite all the circumstances. 

My official time was 57:37. 

I'd love to say that I looked victorious crossing the finish line. You know, fist pumping in the air as I slide gracefully through the finish line with a bright smile on my face. That would have been a lovely story. 

Instead I crossed the finish line and threw up a little. And very ungracefully threw myself on the nearest piece of grass and collected myself. Susan got me an apple, my sister Sally (who also ran her first 5K and finished in 55 minutes!!) got me water, and a lady I didn't know fanned me. My brother in law's Uncle Steve stood by and made sure I was recovering... and I did. The apple and water helped a lot. I stretched some and rejoined the group for the event's finale. We released doves in memory of our Teal Angels, including the lovely Virginia.

If you'd like to see more pictures of the event, please LIKE the Ovarian Cancer Awareness Foundation's Facebook page. 

By 1pm I was sound asleep on my couch.. after a long nap and quiet evening I was proud to put on this handmade, specially made for me, bling shirt from my Florida friend Lesile. If you like her work, please LIKE her Facebook page. She will be happy to bling you up! I will wear this shirt often. Thank you, Lesile!!  

Cocoon Layers

In 2 days I will be running/walking a 5K, Teal for a Cure at the beautiful Shelby Farms. It's the first 5K that I'm running, though I've walked a 5K in the past. In my  'far away and with much heavier body before cancer' past.

It's astoundingly wonderful to me that my body as it is now is able to run. I'm in love with the notion that I can define running however I want and no 'running definition' policemen will hunt me down. I run slow, but both of my feet leave the ground at the same time and that- to me- is running. And I love the support and camaraderie of runners. It's great to have people encouraging me, the good for the soul kind of great.

However, I'm not new to working out, in fact I've been a proud Cathlete (avid fan of Cathe Friedrich's workouts) for over 12 years now. Though I share strong bond with my fellow Cathletes, the relationships- sadly- are mostly trapped in the Web. Oh how I wish it were different, though!! My workouts- as awesome and challenging as they truly are- are done in the privacy of my home. I'm generally not comfortable working out in front of people... But this running thing has changed me.

Or rather, this surviving cancer thing has changed me. Now I run in a public park in workout clothes instead of baggy cottons. Now I go to running shoe stores and run in front of strangers to find the great fitting shoes without anxiety. And I'm making running friends. Which feels strange but also very comfortable all at once. I've run with my youngest sister, Sally. And a new friend, who I met online and is a fellow blogger at I Run For My Life, Susan has graciously agreed to run Teal for a Cure with me. She's a seasoned marathon runner and a very sweet, fun and easy to talk to lady. I know she'll help me through the tough spots and keep me focused on the positives. You have my sincere gratitude, Susan.

I'm emerging from my cancer cocoon and realizing that the cocoon is made up of many layers. The latest layer has uncovered these gems of wisdom and change~

I'm not comparing my running to anyone else's, I'm enjoying that I CAN run while challenging myself with each run. I'm amazingly grateful.

The real me knows that it doesn't matter how much time it takes me to complete this 5K on Saturday morning. Sure, I'd like to finish in 55 minutes or less. Yet, I know the true joy and miracle is that I can run/walk 3.1 miles.

Although I wish I had the physique of a runner right now, but I won't let my frivolous ego hold me back. My body is changing... becoming leaner, stronger, faster, more flexible and healthier every week. How my body looks is such a tiny part of who I really am. It's reflecting in my self talk, which is a miracle in a true sense (not a sarcastic one).

Being a runner is in my soul, not my skin. Just like being a Cathlete. I just didn't realize it until I started running. My workouts and runs will show up on up outside soon enough, it was more important for the love of working out- and love of myself- get embedded in my soul.

Tomorrow I'm going to be interviewed on TV. I knew about the possibility a few days ago, but didn't really think it would happen. It's really happening now! Gulp. Wow!! Whoa. I'm honored to represent ovarian cancer Survivors,  the Ovarian Cancer Awareness Foundation, and the opportunity to use my Voice and story to raise awareness of this disease that's avoidable and treatable if caught early. Knowledge is TEAL power.

Awkward Anniversary

Yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of my final chemo treatment. Which is wonderful. And kind of awkward. Yes, I had cancer twice. Yes, I consider myself a Survivor. I was a whole person with dreams, problems and a life before I had either cancers. Then for about 3 years I was a cancer patient. And now I'm an upgraded model of myself post cancer. Different dreams, different problems and a whole different beautiful life.

Cancer doesn't define me. It's a chapter in my life's story that has led me to now. Now is very good and I'm quite grateful for all the people, experiences and places that envelope my life.

I'm emerging from the cocoon of individual Survivor into a butterfly of advocacy for ovarian cancer awareness and research. Yes, I'm still a Survivor and always will be. Yet I want to let go of my ultra-personal relationship to cancer. Let go of daily thoughts and memories of it. Release the addiction I sometimes feel to my cancer story. I want to let go the story of who I was and what happened to me so I can open myself to the possibilities in the NOW.  It happened therefore I'm a Survivor and now I'm also an advocate...

I'm also a sister, a daughter, an Aunt, a friend, an educator, a car dancer, a runner, a Course in Miracles student, a blogger, an essential oils lover, a scrapbooker, a dreamer, and a believer in Love and God. Cancer does not define me. Cancer isn't what makes me interesting or special. It happened to me, I got treatment, I'm better now. I'm deeply grateful for the experience of cancer, and will apply what I learned from those experiences with me as I move forward with my life.

All of that is true, but then how shall I deal with these cancer anniversaries that tick in my head? This day I chose to celebrate by going to a Couch 2 5K graduation for my Teal Sister Deb and advocating to raise awareness of ovarian cancer and the upcoming Teal for a Cure 5K to the hundreds of women at the event. Then I went to my Yoga class which felt really wonderful. I spent the afternoon doing more advocacy work from bed in my comfy clothes. Then I ate a healthy dinner with a treasured friend, saw a second run movie and had an amazing discussion about Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love after reading 2 chapters out loud to each other.

I celebrated by living my life, by making a point to enjoy it a bit more today.

Ringing the Bell at West Clinic 9/16/2010 to celebrate completing chemo

Days of Teal

I left you with the promise to share what Ovarian Cancer Awareness Foundation in Memphis is doing to raise awareness of OvCa this TEAL month of September, and I always keep my promises. 

Our next event is our monthly support networking group on Thursday Sept 20th 6:30pm at the Junior League building 3475 Central Ave just off Highland (near Univ of Memphis). We are having a guest speaker, Lynn Watson of Footsteps in Eden. She's going to tell us about reflexology, how it can play a role in treatment and post-treatment recovery, teach us some moves we can do on our own and give a demonstration of what a treatment is like for 1 lucky attendee. We'll have snacks and story sharing, too, of course. 

Next is the BIG ONE! Teal for a Cure 5K Walk/Run (or 1 Mi Fun Walk) at Shelby Farms on Saturday the 22nd starting at 8am (race starts promptly at 9am and will go around a paved Chickasaw Trail). There will be a silent auction, Dove release for Teal Angels, live music from the Wolf River Rednecks, Door Prizes, Teal Touch mini-massages, the unveiling of our new logo (it's AWEsome), and the Teal Corner shop. If you haven't registered yet, you can do so here. 

If you don't live around Memphis, and can't join us for the Walk, I'd deeply appreciate the support of your donation. You can be a spirit runner or walker for only $15 and you'll get a T-shirt, or you can simply donate to OCAF. But you know you want that Tshirt!!

Your donation will have greatly deep meaning to me this year for 2 reasons. First, I'll soon be celebrating 2 full years since completing and surviving chemo. This is gigantic! 

Second, for the first time ever in my entire life I will be running and walking this 5K. Yes, you read that right. I've let go of my old saying that I only run if I'm being chased. Now I run because I can. I run because my body is able to run. I run because I can make my own definition of running (I recently learned that you can make running mean and look like whatever you want to yourself). I run because I'm grateful to this body and soul that has been through the darkest of tunnels and come out to find abundant bright Light and Love.

I was inspired to start running just a couple of weeks ago by a Teal Sister, and blogger, Deb. She's been training using Couch to 5K and will be graduating from that program this Saturday morning. I'm going to cheer for her and celebrate that she CAN run with her. She's a little older than me and has a bit less time in remission than me, and so I could think of absolutely no reason I shouldn't at least try to run. 

And now I love to run. Well, I love that I can run then I start running and feel great for a little bit then it feels challenging  but then I stretch under the big trees in the park and get that glorious runner's high for the rest of the day and love it all over again.

So, would please support me in my first ever running 5K? 

My next post I'll share my complex feelings of being out of treatment for 2 full years, and even more Days of TEAL in Memphis with OCAF. 

Light and Love going out tonight, and always, to all the lives that were lost and forever altered by the events of 9/11/01. I saw this quote today and thought it fit in beautifully with my upcoming cancer anniversary and memorial of 9/11/01~ 

“There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster." Dalai Lama XIV