Getting Riled up for Relay

Cancer anniversaries are strange. Some are very happy and full of relief. Some are sad. Some are both. Many of my cancer anniversaries have happy and sad aspects. These recent anniversaries stir up some sadness and fear of the unknown for me. The Spirit part of me wants to shut down the little voice of doubt as I know that negative thoughts of any kind breeds negative energy. And I know that the opposite of Love and Light is negative energy masked in fear or doubt. I know that I have a lot of power when it comes to choosing and changing my thoughts. LOVE is healing and Light. I've been using this knowledge as a weapon, but it's been a struggle today.

I want to keep this blog as full of positive energy as I can, but I would be remiss if I didn't share the dark times. My life isn't all sunshine and roses. There are times when I worry about being too much of a burden on my family, wonder about health insurance and upcoming cancer check-ups. There are moments when the reality of what I survived rushes into my soul and burbles out in some way.

A very good and wise friend suggested earlier today that I may be in the process of releasing some old negative emotions. As the day went one I felt more and more that she was right. I'm thankful for wise and dear friends. I really do feel as if  I'm releasing some of the old fear and sadness from my treatment days. Somehow knowing this made it okay to feel my way through it and cry it out. Today was a cancer aftershock brought on by anniversaries and my annual Relay for Life walk. I'm proud of myself for not turning to food for comfort. I turned to exercise instead. I did 4 different Cathe Friedrich DVDs today. I loved it, all that sweat is cleansing. I started the workout with 25 minutes of step aerobics, then it was onto STS Disc 15 Back & Biceps, then I added on the bonus stability ball abs from Butts & Guts, and finished it up with a 15 minute stretch using the stability ball. I'm so thankful that my body can workout like this again, and for the refuge of exercise.

Relay for Life brings up a lot of emotions for me. It just so happens that the weekend after I moved home last year was Relay weekend. I even gave a speech, which honestly wasn't very good. ha! I think of all the people I know that are Survivors now and the kinship I feel with them. I've been thinking of the people I know that have passed on to the next life because of cancer... and of the women that I know who are Fighting with all their might right now. I don't happen to know any men, personally, right now who are Fighters. Cancer doesn't discriminate though.

This year's Fayette County, Tennessee, Relay for Life Walk is this coming Saturday, the 21st, into Sunday morning. If you're able to donate monetarily I would very much appreciate your donation of any size. If you're not able to donate money, then please take a moment to send your Love and Light to cancer all Survivors and Fighters. My sister, Heidi, and I will be Celebrating. Remembering. Fighting Back just the two of us this year. I'll also be Tweeting through the evening and night. So if you haven't followed me on Twitter yet, don't wait much longer!

May 17, 2010- An Anniversary

An excerpt from my Caring Bridge Journal, May 17, 2010

Today is my last day of work and living in Naples, Florida and so I thought a final Florida update would be appropriate. 
I continue to deal with side effects from the internal radiation treatments. It's still burning when I urinate, although I've gotten tougher and rarely cry because of it anymore. Cranberry juice helps take the edge off the burning, but there's only so much sugary juice I can handle in a day. My tummy problems have calmed down quite a bit, though I still have to be careful about what I eat or else my body screams and fusses. I'm slowly adding in fresh veggies (mostly salads, because I totally love salads and miss them so much!) and whole grains into my daily life. The fatigue that radiation causes is waning, although now I'm tired from all the packing, sorting, and trips down the stairs to the garbage cans. All the work that has gone into moving has paid off. I am ready to go, and all my preciouses are boxed up and piled up in the dining room. I hope it all fits in the mini-van.........eeeekkk!

I had a PET scan last Tuesday to see if there's any metabolic activity (which means cancer activity in PETscanese). I will get the results of that scan tomorrow (Tuesday) morning at my final meeting with my gyn oncologist here in Florida. I already have an appointment with my new gyn oncologist in Tennessee, it's May 26th. It's amazing to me how well speciality doctors and their offices can work together- sometimes. My FL gyn onc's nurse got my referral for me, made sure that the new gyn onc is on my insurance (she is, yay!), and made sure my records got transferred. So, it IS possible and I am thankful for it. My friends and co-workers are throwing me a Farewell Party after work today. After the party, we're loading up the mini-van (hopefully with some help from the big strong guys at the party) so that once I leave the condo in the morning to go to my doctor's appointment in Fort Myers we can just keep going North. 

Today~

I can't believe it's been a year since I've been home. I've been through soooo much this past year. I've been in remission for 8 months now. WhooHOOO! I'm an Aunt to 5 adorable Peeps now. I've started and been successful at a new career after leaving my job in Florida. I've lost almost 20 pounds!! I've gone from a physically sick person who literally couldn't stomach fresh clean foods (I know it sounds crazy!) and didn't have very much strength or stamina for workouts to a relatively healthy consistent exerciser (I'm a Cathlete!) who is, thankfully, able to digest clean foods again. 

My list of things to be thankful for has grown exponentially. My group of friends, supporters and Survivor-Sisters has grown beautifully, too. I've gone from long wavy hair to 100% bald to really curly growing-out hair. 

I've gone from 2 sisters physically near to me, to one that's in Texas now.  I miss her and those precious 3 Peeps deeply. I've gone from being too physically tired to walk up the stairs after radiation, to not having the physical strength to walk up the stairs during chemo, to being in intense pain while walking up or down the stairs after chemo, to walking the stairs normally. 

Big and little changes and improvements... I'm thankful for each one of them as they have brought me here today. And today is very good. 

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ♥ Lionel Hampton