I couldn't sleep the night before my port a cath removal surgery. What if the surgery left a big hole in my chest that never healed? What if I can't work out again? A big case of the what if's. I gave myself a self-Reiki treatment, read a few affirmations from Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and watched (aka previewed so I'm a little bit mentally prepared for it) a few DVDs from Cathe Friedrich's new Low Impact Series. 

I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my gut about going through with the port removal. I called a dear spiritual  friend and asked for guidance. He knows me very well and knew the right questions to ask to guide me to a calmer place and form a plan. I decided to go, but ask the surgeon some questions and then decide whether or not to have the surgery. My body, my choice. 

Cancer treatment can take away a lot of power and choices in your life. I didn't want to get the port put in, but I didn't get much choice. So in having it removed I wanted more control.

I believe in Angels among us. God blessed me with a sweet Survivor sister Angel as I checked in. I recognized her by her bright teal toenails. A sister in ovarian cancer Survival, Carol greeted me with a hug and asked what I was doing at West Clinic. She was there to pick up a CD of a recent test, so she had a little time. She met my mom and talked with us about the pros and cons of port removal. She understands the depth of such dilemmas. I felt much better after talking with her, and thankful that God always has His hand of love and comfort on me. 

I was foolishly surprised to get an IV stick. It hadn't occurred to me that port removal surgery would require an IV. Funny the things my mind thinks about and the things it completely disregards. Thankfully, the nurse only had to stick me once. Ouchie!! 

I waited with my mom for 90 minutes with the IV in my arm before I even got back to the surgery prep room. The nurse started the paperwork, and I asked questions. Apparently no one has ever asked these questions before, because she didn't know the answers. She asked a surgeon to come talk with me. She couldn't have been kinder or patient with me, and I deeply appreciate it. 

The surgeon was also kind and patient. He said there was no reason not to have it removed, and explained in great detail why and what would happen to my body after it was gone. There's no muscle involved, the port was subcutaneous (just under the skin). This is important info to me as a Cathlete. I didn't want to damage my hard earned muscles! I felt satisfied and decided to have it removed. 

As I started to undress I realized that I wore the wrong shirt. I wore long sleeve fitted shirt because it's a bit cool here. That was the wrong choice because it was painful and awkward to take off over my IV especially when I can barely move my arm. My mom had to help me. ha! 

I climbed onto a very narrow table that I'm surprised that I fit on. The nurse and 2 surgical techs got me and instruments prepped. I made jokes about blood spurting because they had my covered with blue medical paper and the CT scanner covered with a big shower cap like thing. Even though it was Halloween, no blood spurted out. I was given local anesthesia and something to help me relax, but I could feel pain-less pressure of the surgeon cutting out the port and was wide awake. Yep, that's right. It's an amazing and creepy feeling. The surgeon and I had a nice discussion about finance and in a few minutes I was free of the port. 

After it was out I felt the urge to see this port. The nurse cleaned it up and gave it to me to keep. It's like a cancer Survivor's medal of honor. Wanna see? 

Doesn't it look like a tiny computer mouse? It's about 8 inches long and it's about 1/2" thick. No wonder it stuck out of my chest so much! 

I'm relieved to have this foreign object out of my body, yet thankful for the service it provided to me during chemo. I'm going to keep it as a reminder and interesting show and tell piece. 

I'm counting down 10 more days until 1 full year of official remission. I have something fun and special planned for the blog that day. Meanwhile, here's a peek at how much my hair has grown since the last time I shared a picture. It's still dark and really curly, but I can almost put it in a ponytail. I have so much to be thankful for.... 

Retreating...

It started with a postcard in the mail, an invitation to the Wings Cancer Foundation's summer Retreat for gynecological cancer Survivors. It was a fun surprise to get that kind of mail. I immediately thought it was an awesome idea and wanted to go. Then after a day or so, I started wondering if I wanted to dredge up all those cancer emotions again. I am moving forward and creating a happy successful new life, and I didn't want to lose my momentum or trip myself up.

My soul told me I should go though, and I've learned to listen. So, I went even though I was a bit afraid. I pictured lots of hugging, sad stories and crying. While there was hugging, and we did share our 'sad stories' and some of us cried (yes me) it was a marvelous experience. I'm so glad I went despite my fears!

It was wonderfully comforting to be with women who have been though what I've gone through, understand how I feel about it, and get introduced to some new methods of emotional healing. I didn't know anyone there, but I left with many new Survivor Sisters.

I also started the next phase of my healing process. My body is mostly healed. I thought my emotions were mostly healed up, too. I was wrong. It happens every now and again. Surprising, right?

The Retreat started with a light breakfast and finding comfort with people who were as outside of their comfort zone as I felt. Amazing women. Inspiring women. Strong women. Beautiful women in different stages of Fight and Survivorship. We share a deep bond, even though we may not have realized it at first. We felt it... 

The first session in the Retreat was Yoga. The Yoga instructor artfully led us through 90 minutes of gentle and calming Yoga poses. Her Spirit is full of graceful Light. Through the session she reminded us to only do what our bodies could do today, and showed us many alternative moves. Yoga is so calming, centering, empowering and healing. I'm thankful that Wings offers so many free Survivor Yoga classes.

The second session was led by an inspirational writer and speaker with a beautiful calm energy who gently led us through some Journaling therapy. That 90 minutes unlocked the door to my next level of healing. I've always loved to journal. Since I was about 9 I've found peace, problem resolutions, stress relief, and self acceptance through journaling in the past. Ironically, sometime after my second diagnosis in January of 2010 I stopped journaling. The emotions and thoughts were too raw to face at the time for me. I thought that over time I had dealt with these emotions, and moved on from them but no. I buried some of them. It was a surprisingly and disconcerting realization.

It's time to start digging them up, looking at them, feeling them, and releasing them. Wings very generously gave each Survivor a beautiful blank journaling book and journaling therapy guide book. The book is absolutely amazing... if you enjoy journaling I highly recommend it. It's not just for Survivors, it can be applied to any and all issues. I feel so richly blessed...

We shared a tasty lunch and fabulous conversation. After sharing very personal and deep journal entries we were bonded and spoke like old dear friends.. and knew that we are indeed Sisters in Survival. 

The final session was laughter therapy. Do you know much healing power is in laughing? I think it's safe to say that everyone at the Retreat felt happier, and emotionally lighter after this final session. The speaker was absolutely wonderful, and is a 3 time Survivor herself. She knew what she was talking about... and made us laugh heartily. 

Thank you, Wings Cancer Foundation. You have empowered and soothed my healing process more than my words could ever say... 

Relief. Joy. Gratitude.

I bet you thought I forgot about the promise I made for a fresh post tonight, didn't you? It's ok to admit it. I almost forgot myself! 

I've been waiting for all the final results to come back before sharing about my last round of post-treatment tests, but I still haven't gotten a call back. I've learned to assume that no callbacks are a good thing for cancer Survivors, so I'm going to just flow with it.

I went through the most tests in the least amount time this go round at The West Clinic. It was wonderful to have so little time in the waiting room! A little bizarre, too.

My 9 month follow up I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn from my Port-a-cath, a chest X-ray, a CT scan and a pelvic exam. It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

My Port worked beautifully once again. Yay!!

I was hoping to get to lay down for the chest X-ray, but I didn't. I just stood there, turned, and turned again. I even got an initial 'all ok'. That's never ever happened. Bizarre, but in a good way. It certainly put me at ease. Just having to have a chest X-ray made me a little anxious. I understand that my oncologist is covering all the bases since I am a two time Survivor, though.

Then I was off to the CT scan waiting area. There were 2 ladies already sitting there. They were talking and giggling a bit. The kind of giggling you do when you're really nervous or scared but fighting through it. I thought they were sisters, but they were mother and daughter. The mother had just been diagnosed, and this was her first CT scan. We didn't sit together very long at all, but I did my best to share some Love and Light with her. The scan made her sick and my heart went out to her. Cancer sucks.

I'm very thankful that they have upgraded the chalky CT scan barium drink to one that tastes like plain water. There's less volume and it's much easier to drink.

During the scan I actually felt a little light headed and nauseous towards the end. That's never happened to me in my long history of CT scans. It passed pretty quickly. That short experience scared me a bit, and made me wonder if feeling a little sick in the scan meant something less than good. Intellectually, I couldn't see how but Survivors don't just think intellectually during tests.

On my way upstairs to my oncologist's office (gyn Survivors have a whole special floor), I stopped in the bathroom to collect myself. I let myself cry for a couple minutes because I needed the stress release. Just being at the West Clinic is emotional for me. All I smell in there is chemo drugs and it's so icky. Then I took a few deep breaths, gave myself a quick self Reiki treatment, and thought about all my blessings.

I figured I would be sitting in the waiting room for at least an hour, but nope. Three minutes later I was in the exam room. My mom was running a bit late, but thanks to text messaging and 45 mile per hour roads between her office and the clinic she slid into the room minutes before the oncologist. Is she good or what? Just another demonstration of her awesomeness!!

Thankfully, my nurse and oncologist noticed that I've lost 17 official pounds since the end of chemo! It was nice to get some recognition and kudos from my medical team. Yay!!

The oncologist went through my questions with me. I'm still not sure when I'll have my Port removed. My onc didn't make a big deal out of that at all, so I won't either. It doesn't hurt, and it's not like anyone but me is rubbing or otherwise feeling it. Once in awhile one of my Peeps elbow me in that one tiny spot, but that's about it. I did find out that removing it won't mess up the chest muscles I've been working so hard on building and strengthening. I was incredibly relieved to hear that good news. I was prepared to keep the Port forever if it meant cutting into my new muscles!!

Then it was drum roll time. My onc sat down at the computer in the exam room to look at my test results. This is the part where I was literally holding my breath, and I bet Mom was too.



NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!! Whoohoooo!!

However, I do have a small incisional hernia from all the scar tissue next to my belly button. And I have one really huge gallstones and a few smaller ones. Neither issue is causing me any harm right now,  so we're just going to watch and be aware. My onc did encourage me to buy a compression belt to wear while I'm lifting weights. So now I look even cuter when I lift. I'm extra thankful that I workout in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Relief. Joy. Gratitude. Freedom to move forward with my beautiful life as a (now) 10 month Survivor. 

The Day I Found Out, Part 1

Hello out there! I came home from my business convention so pumped up and excited about helping people and building my business (and physically worn out!) that I just haven't had time to blog. I'm working on a bit better balance from now on, though, because I love blogging about being a Survivor. I truly hope that my story and journey is helping other Survivors even if it's in just a small way. We're all in this Surviving and thriving thing, together from my perspective. 

I learned a lot about myself during my convention in Atlanta last weekend. The most important lesson I learned and practiced is my growing ability to be brave and bold while still being sincere and kind. 

Thanks to Twitter I found the awesome site- The Day I Found Out. It's a site where cancer Survivors  post the story of the day they found out they had cancer. Here's what the site is all about: 

"For many cancer survivors and their loved ones, this was one of the toughest days of their lives. These are their stories. This is a place where people with hope to spare can share it with those who need it most." 

Of course, I love this site. I was also a little afraid of this site, because it's powerful, emotional, raw, and brings back unpleasant memories. It's emotionally and almost physically painful to go back to those 2 days that completely changed my life. When I first found this site I wanted to record my video right away, but I couldn't get the webcam to work right and other stuff happened and I just let it go. A part of me was afraid to go back to that first day I found out as if something would break loose inside of me and not be able to be fixed. 

Then I went to a convention in the very big city (with horrible traffic!) of Atlanta alone with 60,000 like-minded people and found a new level of braveness inside me. This braveness gives me a confidence and boldness so that I am able to help other people despite my own fears. That's what my career is all about- helping people improve their lives. 

That's also a part of what this blog is about- being brave, facing fears, using words as swords, and offering supportive hope to other Survivors.

 So, after a little encouragement from one of the Tweeters behind thedayifoundout.com I set my mind on recording my Part 1 Friday morning. 

And here I am in my first ever Vlog: 

Power in Numbers

My cancer clinic, The West Clinic, has fantastic support services. Many of those services are funded and made available through Wings Cancer Foundation. I am forever grateful to West Clinic and Wings. Today I'm especially thankful because I got to have a complimentary BodyGem test. (Read about my first visit with this wonderful lady here.) This test measures your RMR, resting metabolic rate, which is how many calories your body needs to breathe, digest, and keep your heart beating while in a resting fasting state. That's right, fasting state. I've wanted to get my RMR tested for years, but never had the opportunity (or funds) until now. Thank you West Clinic!

There are a couple different math formulas that give an estimate of your RMR. Here is one that does the math for you. And here is a different one. I got 2 very different numbers from these sites, by the way. This link gives a good explanation of RMR and BMR along with the 2 most used formulas for the math whizzes out there. I learned today that calculating your RMR using any of these formulas is just an estimate though, because the math just can't account for your lean muscle and body fat. This is why the BodyGem test is so helpful! 

Since this test requires fasting I made the appointment for mid-morning. I arrived early because, sadly, Monday mornings at West Clinic are very busy which makes it hard to find a parking place. I'm thankful I'm healthy enough to be able to park in a spot farthest away from the building and walk. I had to wait for awhile because they had to update my insurance information. Meanwhile, I did my best to keep a restful relaxed disposition since that's an important aspect of the test. 

I used my self-guided imagery and breathing techniques to get me into a nice restful state for about 10 minutes before the test started. I use my best memories to create a peaceful trip to and from the beach for my guided imagery. The test itself was pretty simple- my nose was comfortably pinched and I wrapped my mouth around the breathing tube and all I had to do was relax and breathe. It lasted about 8 minutes. It felt much shorter to me, which was cool. 

My test results are very intriguing to me. My RMR, according to BodyGem, is 1440 calories. The good  news is that there are no good or bad RMRs. The number just is what it is. It's information, and info = power. Right?! Today I learned that the more muscle you have the higher your RMR. The reverse is true, too; RMR decreases as you lose muscle. Over the past year I have lost muscle due to cancer treatments (including the steroids I needed during chemo) and not being physically able to work out consistently. Now that a lot of my physical healing is behind me, I've been able to get back to consistently working out. You all know by now that I love my Cathe DVDs! I've been focusing on strength training for the past couple weeks just based on my intuition. Now I know my intuition was spot on! The stronger my muscles get, the stronger my metabolism will become and my risk of another recurrence will decrease. 

I'm, also, going to use this new information to tweak my daily calorie intake. I now know that I need to eat at least 1440 calories a day. I'm between lightly and moderately active, depending on the day, so I use these formulas: 1440 X 1.375 =  1980 and 1440 X 1.55= 2232 So, in order to maintain my weight I should eat between 1980 and 2232 calories a day. Since I want to LOSE weight, I have to lower that range. A pound equals 3000 calories. I want to lose about 1 pound per week. So I need to reduce my calorie range by 3000 for the week. 3000/7 = 429  So, my target calorie range is now 1550- 1800. There's power in numbers!!

Actually, that calorie range is pretty close to what I've been following the past few weeks. I'm glad I'm on the right track! So far I've lost 7 pounds. Yay!! I'm quite thankful to have this powerful information to help me lose weight which will reduce my risk for another cancer recurrence. That's what I'm all about these post-treatment days- giving the chance for another cancer a good beat down!

What are you doing to prevent cancer or a cancer recurrence? Have you had a BodyGem test? Tell me about your experience!

Empowered Eating

 Cancer has been a catalyst to me by opening doors to new information and the help of experts. One of those experts is my oncology nutritionist. I love this lady! She is kind, non-judgmental, eager to help, and full of knowledge. I had the great pleasure of meeting with her recently. She has given me a fresh approach to eating to improve my health and lose weight. Thanks to her (the Wings Cancer Foundation and the West Clinic's Support Services) I have a written, clear, do-able, live-able food plan will help me reach my weight loss goals, and also help my body fight and kill cancer cells. I'm excited, relieved, thankful and empowered!! Thank you, my dear oncology nutritionist!! 

I have been successfully following this new food plan for the past week. (Yes, I have lost weight!!) Of course, this new way of eating is a bit of transition for me. I'm embracing it, however, and figuring out how to make it work into my life without it taking over all my time. I'm also figuring out how to divvy up my carbs for the day, add in more olive oil and flax seeds, and eat enough protein. It requires time to plan, log my eats into SparkPeople, and- yes- prepare and cook food. I am so thankful that I already love to chop and cook!! I am also thankful for Clean Eating magazine which showed up in my mailbox at the perfect time. (I shared why I love Clean Eating magazine so much here.) 

This past Saturday I made 2 recipes from the current issue- Country-Style Beef and Green Pepper soup and Mediterranean Vegetable, White Bean and Feta Penne. Both recipes are delicious and only took me 2 hours to gather, prep, cook and clean up. I think that's a wise use of my time!! 

I didn't occur to me to share my cooking experience with you until I started on the Mediterranean Veg, White Bean and Feta Penne recipe. Bad blogger, bad bad!! 

Instead of following the recipe to the
letter by using fresh tomatoes, I
chose to use a can of undrained unsalted
petite diced tomatoes. Balsamic vinegar
and fresh garlic went into the bowl, too. It
marinated while all the stuff cooked.

Green peppers and zucchini with a wee bit of
organic extra virgin olive oil sizzled
in a medium hot skillet.

After the zuccs and peppers cooked
for about 5 minutes, the marinated
tomato mixture gets added to the skillet.

A can of navy beans gets added to

the pasta for the last minute of the

pasta's cooking time.

Then the pasta and beans get added, too.

Then the feta gets added on top with a little rosemary. I used 6
ounces of fat-free feta, but the recipe actually
calls for 8 ounces of low-fat.

Delicious!! The soup and the pasta both turned out to be deliciously clean, healthy and now ready to eat during the week. The pantry is stocked with tuna, peanut butter, fresh grapefruit, organic mango salsa, organic blue corn and flax tortilla chips, Kashi Go Lean cereal, and rolled oats. The fridge has organic baby spring mix salad, organic carrots and celery, leftover green beans, lactose-free natural cheese, organic Greek yogurt, organic lactose-free milk, organic flaxseeds, nitrate-free lean deli-style turkey, whole grain bread, and a serving of leftover Pad Thai with shrimp. The freezer's got shrimp, orange roughy, broccoli, spinach, asparagus, organic lean beef, and chicken breasts. I'm armed with healthy foods and ready for a healthy, clean, and sweaty week! 

Are you? Tell me what healthy foods you're eating this week!

Celebrating with Cashmere

It's still sinking into my brain and my soul~ remission. What a humongous relief!! It doesn't feel real to me quite yet. I am overwhelmed by all the joyful responses I've gotten from my friends and family on Facebook last night and today. I am over-filled with thankfulness for every prayer, every positive vibe, every strong shoulder, every Reiki treatment, every hug, every card and email, every gift, every friend that helped to hold me up and encourage me along this 14 month cancer treatment journey. A very special thank you to my mom, Sharon. Thank you Mom for your strength and love that reached all way to south Florida at the beginning of this scary cancer journey and that brought me home for the completion with it's sickness turned to joy. Also, thank you, Mom, for all of your many layers of support, kindness, faith, and care-giving. You're a God-sent Angel, I have no doubt!


This is my Mom, my Angel, and I last Christmas. I love you Mom!



It took a few hours to get to hear the word 'remission' from my Gyn Oncologist. I started with a blood draw, which happens every time to go The West Clinic. Then we moved to a waiting area and I answer questions about how I've felt the past week using an e-Tablet (which is pretty cool because it saves paper and is more efficient for the clinic!). A few minutes later a Tech comes out and gives me a bottle of water and kindly tells me to drink it and they'll be ready to scan me in about 20 minutes. I was a little confused about the water, because when I've had CT scans in the past I have to drink 3 big bottles of this chalky barium. I'm thankful for the water, though, and drink it up. Another Tech comes out 20 minutes later to bring me to the scanner, and I cautiously tell her that I haven't had any barium drink yet. She tells me that the medicine they need for the scan was in the water, it's a new and much easier way. Whoohoooo!! The CT scan went smoothly and as usual I kept my eyes closes and allowed my brain to bring me to a happy place. The Techs came back in and that was it. The easiest and friendliest CT scan ever!! 


Then it was upstairs to my Gyn Oncologist's waiting area. We waited for a couple hours, but somehow Mom and I stayed fairly relaxed about it. Mom has a Droid with lots of fun Apps so that entertained us while we waited. Finally, at almost 5 o'clock, it's my turn. The nurse is very friendly and answers my questions. A few minutes later my oncologist comes in. We talk for a couple minutes and then it's exam time. Ouchie!!! Thankfully it was over quickly. I asked the rest of my questions, and am happy with the answers. My oncologist turns and does some stuff on the computer that's in the exam room. Then she says, your scan is Good, no signs of cancer anywhere. Mom and I both tear up with relief and joy. The onc finishes up, gives me a high 5 and leaves the room. Mom and I share a big hug and a few tears. And just like that this long 14 month cancer treatment journey comes to an end. It blows my mind! 


We celebrated by going out to dinner at Colton's Steakhouse. It was deeeelish! Then we got down to the serious celebrating and went to one of our favorite stores, Kohl's!! I've been eying their cashmere sweaters for a couple years. So when I came across a beautiful teal cashmere sweater that just happened to be 55% off I just HAD to try it on. It fit very nice and looked quite good, if I do say so myself. As I took it off I commented to Mom that it was fun to just try it on. And she said that she would buy it for me in celebration of my remission!! My Mom is totally awesome!! (My youngest niece, who is 2 and half has a shirt that says the exact same thing!). What a fabulous way to celebrate!! 


Here I am wearing my celebration cashmere!! Look how much my hair has grown! And I even have some eyebrows again!! Thank you, God, for remission and for all of the thousands of other blessing in my life.