Sarah's Thoughts behind the Art, a special guest post

Please welcome my dear friend, Sarah, who graciously wrote a Guest Post about her beautiful and meaningful artwork.... 

There was a lot that inspired me to draw this picture. Originally, when I sat down with my sketch pad I intended to draw some sort of general "cancer support" something or other. So I started thinking about all of the people in my life that have battled cancer. Some have fought and won. Others have fought and lost. As I sat there thinking about all these people and trying to decide on what to draw, I received a text from my dear friend Connie. In that instant I knew it was a sign. I was suppose to create this for her. She is a cancer survivor. She is an amazingly kind, generous and all around awesome human being. Connie has done so many wonderful things for me. I knew at that moment this was suppose to be a gift to her to say "Thank you for being you and being my friend."

I am touched and honored by Sarah's drawing of me. Seeing myself drawn thin is really cool, and is helping me be able to see it actually happening. It's a much appreciated bonus. 

Sarah has drawn me as a strong athlete. This resonates in me because that's how I think and dream of myself, even though my body now doesn't reflect it. I know that all these Cathe Friedrich workouts are transforming my body day by day. 

The color selections in Sarah's piece are packed with special meanings. Purple for all cancer Survivors, and happens to be my favorite color. The upside down placement of the purple ribbons signifies a Survivor. I just learned that last month at an Ovarian cancer Survivor support group. So if you're a Survivor and wear a ribbon flip upside down! 

The  Peach tank top signifying my first cancer win over endometrial, otherwise known as uterine. That first cancer was subtle- much like the color. 

The Teal ribbon is appropriately wrapped around my lower body like a shield. I like that it's big and bold, because Ovarian cancer came into my life big and bold. It also changed my life in positive big and bold ways. 

Sarah even took great care in coloring my eyes green, and drawing my hair into crazy curls. 

I truly love this drawing, and I'm deeply grateful for Sarah's friendship and artistic talents. 

Crossing CrossFit

CrossFit. 


The day after I first published this post fellow blogger, Memphian and cancer Survivor Chris published an awesome CrossFit post. I felt like his post should be included. What Exactly Is CrossFit by chris beat cancer  offers a successful Survivor doing CrossFit perspective. You have my total respect, Chris. 

If you've never heard of it, just don't know much about it, or if you need some fresh exercise ideas spend some time perusing CrossFit Exercises. Be warned- you could be there all day.

Amazing. Crazy. Ultra-challenging. Inspirational. Unfathomable at times. Awesome. And just a tad intimidating. Right?

I have a connection to CrossFit, if you can believe it. This past February through April I participated in an online bloggers body challenge hosted by Strong is the New Skinny bloggers Marsha and Adam. No, I didn't follow a paleo way of eating. No, I didn't do any CrossFitting. But I rubbed virtual elbows with some very cool paleo eating CrossFitters. Remember? It was inspiring.

Since I completed this challenge I've had a lingering curiosity about CrossFit and the paleo way of eating. It whispers to me, eggs me on. Taunts me. I felt pretty safe because I didn't think there were any CrossFit gyms (is that what they're called?) in Memphis. No, I didn't bother checking or searching. I just assumed, and you know how that goes. 

Then I went to my suburb's first farmer's market a couple Saturdays ago and found myself standing in front of a CrossFit gym. Then I found myself standing INSIDE said CrossFit gym. That's right- 

inside. 

CrossFit Bartlett played a very big role in bringing a farmer's market into the community, and I'm very grateful. So on the market's opening day the gym was offering a free look-see and workout. I was so excited when the lady at the snow cone booth told me about it! (Yes, I'm aware of the irony.) Beyond excited, really. Crazy excited, and giddy. I couldn't wait to go check it out!! 

So my mom and my sister's 3 toddlers and I went in. That's right- all of us. Thankfully, this gym is fairly kid friendly and had some toys. I'm pretty sure there wasn't any A/C though. It was really hot and humid that day. 

It didn't look like any gym I'd ever seen before, but it was the coolest gym I've ever seen. It was also the scariest and most mysterious gym I've ever seen. I wasn't dressed for any kind of workout and had on the wrong shoes, so I was going to just observe. I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. 

The owner of the gym and one of the trainers talked with me for a few minutes. I found myself signing up for a free one on one introduction workout. One of the members- a very kind man- came over to me and explained how the gym worked. I appreciated that act of kindness very much!! I was pretty surprised (and disheartened) that none of them had even heard of Cathe Friedrich, though. 

I watched members perform exercises that I wouldn't think would be humanly possible. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/crossfitbartlett/page8/

This is some version of a hybrid pull-up/core exercise. Seriously, I watched a guy jump up and grab the bar then pull his toes up to his fingers. My jaw was on the ground. I'm quite sure that I couldn't have even jumped up and held onto the bar. 

The longer I watched and took it all in, the more out of place and uncomfortable I felt. I felt weak and flabby-like an ugly scarred unpopular fat girl that didn't fit in. It was a bummer, because I had been looking forward to the CrossFit experience for quite awhile.

I had found out just a few days before this that I have an incisional hernia, and had been cautioned by my oncologist to wear a very stylish compression belt when I workout. It didn't seem logical that CrossFitting was to become a part of my life. Even more secretly, I wish it could be. 

I left before the exhibition workout started. The kids were antsy and it was really hot. I had to get out of there. I was ball of emotion, and was close tears. I can't do CrossFit workokuts, I knew it in my soul as I walked out the door. I felt very disappointed and frustrated with this body that has survived cancer twice. My oldest niece asked me why we were leaving, and I started crying when I told her the truth- Aunt Connie can't do this, honey. I hated having to tell her that truth. Since the end of chemo 10 months ago I've brought this body and mind a really long way (I thought), but being there made me feel like it wasn't good enough. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough. 

I couldn't stop thinking about it, though. I had set an appointment, remember? I called my oncologist on Monday, asked the burning question and waited for a call back. My soul was right, I can't do CrossFit according to my oncologist. She thought it was pretty crazy to even consider it, actually. She's probably right, but I didn't like hearing it. 

I'm disappointing and frustrated about it, and a bit relieved too. I felt embarrassed writing the 'sorry I have to cancel my appointment' email to the owner and trainer, but they were both gracious and understanding. 

So, I came across CrossFit, and had to cross it out. 

Perhaps after I lose my extra weight and have the hernia repair surgery I'll be able to try it. I sure hope so. 

Are you a CrossFitter? How did you get into it? Share your experience with me! 

Relief. Joy. Gratitude.

I bet you thought I forgot about the promise I made for a fresh post tonight, didn't you? It's ok to admit it. I almost forgot myself! 

I've been waiting for all the final results to come back before sharing about my last round of post-treatment tests, but I still haven't gotten a call back. I've learned to assume that no callbacks are a good thing for cancer Survivors, so I'm going to just flow with it.

I went through the most tests in the least amount time this go round at The West Clinic. It was wonderful to have so little time in the waiting room! A little bizarre, too.

My 9 month follow up I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn from my Port-a-cath, a chest X-ray, a CT scan and a pelvic exam. It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

My Port worked beautifully once again. Yay!!

I was hoping to get to lay down for the chest X-ray, but I didn't. I just stood there, turned, and turned again. I even got an initial 'all ok'. That's never ever happened. Bizarre, but in a good way. It certainly put me at ease. Just having to have a chest X-ray made me a little anxious. I understand that my oncologist is covering all the bases since I am a two time Survivor, though.

Then I was off to the CT scan waiting area. There were 2 ladies already sitting there. They were talking and giggling a bit. The kind of giggling you do when you're really nervous or scared but fighting through it. I thought they were sisters, but they were mother and daughter. The mother had just been diagnosed, and this was her first CT scan. We didn't sit together very long at all, but I did my best to share some Love and Light with her. The scan made her sick and my heart went out to her. Cancer sucks.

I'm very thankful that they have upgraded the chalky CT scan barium drink to one that tastes like plain water. There's less volume and it's much easier to drink.

During the scan I actually felt a little light headed and nauseous towards the end. That's never happened to me in my long history of CT scans. It passed pretty quickly. That short experience scared me a bit, and made me wonder if feeling a little sick in the scan meant something less than good. Intellectually, I couldn't see how but Survivors don't just think intellectually during tests.

On my way upstairs to my oncologist's office (gyn Survivors have a whole special floor), I stopped in the bathroom to collect myself. I let myself cry for a couple minutes because I needed the stress release. Just being at the West Clinic is emotional for me. All I smell in there is chemo drugs and it's so icky. Then I took a few deep breaths, gave myself a quick self Reiki treatment, and thought about all my blessings.

I figured I would be sitting in the waiting room for at least an hour, but nope. Three minutes later I was in the exam room. My mom was running a bit late, but thanks to text messaging and 45 mile per hour roads between her office and the clinic she slid into the room minutes before the oncologist. Is she good or what? Just another demonstration of her awesomeness!!

Thankfully, my nurse and oncologist noticed that I've lost 17 official pounds since the end of chemo! It was nice to get some recognition and kudos from my medical team. Yay!!

The oncologist went through my questions with me. I'm still not sure when I'll have my Port removed. My onc didn't make a big deal out of that at all, so I won't either. It doesn't hurt, and it's not like anyone but me is rubbing or otherwise feeling it. Once in awhile one of my Peeps elbow me in that one tiny spot, but that's about it. I did find out that removing it won't mess up the chest muscles I've been working so hard on building and strengthening. I was incredibly relieved to hear that good news. I was prepared to keep the Port forever if it meant cutting into my new muscles!!

Then it was drum roll time. My onc sat down at the computer in the exam room to look at my test results. This is the part where I was literally holding my breath, and I bet Mom was too.



NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!! Whoohoooo!!

However, I do have a small incisional hernia from all the scar tissue next to my belly button. And I have one really huge gallstones and a few smaller ones. Neither issue is causing me any harm right now,  so we're just going to watch and be aware. My onc did encourage me to buy a compression belt to wear while I'm lifting weights. So now I look even cuter when I lift. I'm extra thankful that I workout in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Relief. Joy. Gratitude. Freedom to move forward with my beautiful life as a (now) 10 month Survivor. 

Baby Peep's 1st Birthday & Cancerversary

A year ago today, at about this time, I was almost finished with my very first chemo treatment. This cancerversary is hitting me hard today. I don't really understand why. I've felt overwhelmed with raw sadness and fear a few times today. I had a few hysterical crying meltdowns, even.  I got crabby with the fussy birthday baby boy, and then felt like the worst person on the planet for doing so.

I've come such a long way since chemo, but it feels like I have such a long way to go to earn the title 'fully healthy' again. I don't LOOK like I'm cancer-sick anymore, and that's awesome. However, I still don't LOOK healthy either and that's frustrating. I get angry with myself- with my body- over it sometimes. I do my best to replace that anger, frustration and sadness with thankfulness, peace, and self-love. I kind of forgot about those replacements this morning, but now I remember.

One of the many things I'm thankful for is that the baby Peep of my family was born today. I'm thankful for it because it brings happiness to a day that otherwise wasn't very happy. I'm thankful that I felt good enough to go from my chemo suite directly to the women's hospital. I'm thankful that my sister, Heidi, shared her precious new baby boy with me. I got to hold him very soon after he was born which was a very special treat.

And so did Nana...

I'm thankful for all the time I've gotten to spend with JJ. It was a wonderful gift to have a sweet baby to snuggle with through treatment and these early months of remission.

We've grown hair together, too!

I let his Mama have some snuggle time, too. 

And his Daddy and sister, Kallie, too. 

I've thankful to be able to watch him, and my other Peeps, grow up. 

I'm thankful the laughter and joy my Angel Fish brings to my family.

Happy FIRST Birthday, JJ! 

My 2011 Relay

Ready to go to the Fayette County, TN, Relay for Life walk! The shirt I'm wearing was designed by my sister Heidi's bank branch to raise money for the BancorpSouth Relay team. They've raised almost $4000 which amazing for a small community! Many thanks to BancorpSouth, Amber B, Amber M, Jessica, my sister and all the other BancorpSouth employees who donated their time and talent to a successful Relay event.

You can still buy this Believe shirt (well not THIS exact one, but one exactly like it) and the black Angel wing shirt (below pic shows the back) in short or long sleeve. 

 

If you don't know what Relay for Life is all about click here. It's truly AWEsome, meaningful and touching.

As I promised, I Tweeted from the event, but the cell coverage wasn't reliable and the phone battery didn't hold up to the pressure of taking pictures and Tweeting very well. It was hard to walk and type at the same time anyway. If you'd like to read my Tweets from that evening, click here then click on my Profile to read my history from May 21. 

My Survivor shirt! I felt relieved, joyful, proud and nostalgic putting on this purple shirt. I was thrilled to fit quite comfortably into a smaller size than I did last year, too. 

As always, Relay kicks off with the Survivor lap. I was in the front of the crowd this year because I'm a 'new' Survivor as I've been in Remission for less than a year. That felt surreal. It must be longer than THAT, right? 

This year all the Survivor's were given purple balloons and at the end of the Survivor's Lap we let them go. It was neat, in it's corny way. No, I didn't get a picture of the balloon release. 

The next lap is the Care Giver's lap. My sister Heidi and I walked hand in hand. My other sister and Mom were greatly missed. They have been incredible Care Givers, too. 

This year walking laps was very important to me. I had hoped to walk all night, in the true spirit of Relay, but wasn't physically able and my sister had an obligation Sunday afternoon so she needed some sleep. I am very grateful that I was able to walk for the better part of 5 hours. Last year I wasn't able to do even 1 full hour. The memory of how physically and emotionally exhausted I was at last year's Relay in Fayette County was forefront in my mind this year. 

As I walked I thought of my Nana and the pain and suffering she went through for her cancer treatment. She was such a gentle and kind soul and didn't deserve that, or any, pain. I thought of my friend Shelley's sister who recently went to Heaven after her long battle with cancer. I thought of my friend and Survivor-sister Jessica who is in treatment for a recurrence and did a triathlon that morning. Jessica is such an inspiration! She is a personal trainer who has kept working and working out as she goes through chemo! I thought of my new Facebook friend, fellow Cathlete and Survivor-sister, Carola and the struggles she's been facing trying to start her treatments. I thought of my new friend, Kim, who I had just met that night. She's my Survivor-sister, too and has just begun chemo. I walked for all of us, and all the other Survivors out there and everywhere. I cried, I smiled, I remembered and I walked. 

Anyone who has had cancer is a Survivor, in my mind. It took me a while to think of myself as a Survivor, though. Now a Survivor, to me, is anyone who has heard the words 'you have cancer'. It feels as if your world is ending in those first shocked moments, but right then and there you start surviving- even before you start fighting. 

Remember this pic? October seems soooo long ago!

The most fun I have at Fayette County's Relay is the dancing part of the evening. Around 10pm, when people are starting to get tired, the dance party starts. Heidi and I danced the Electric Slide, Chicken Dance, Macarena, Casper Slide and Cupid Shuffle. I'm don't know the steps to all these dances very well, but I had a blast. I was even able to do all jumps, my once chemo-ed out and sore knees have made huge strides! I was filled with joy and gratitude. I'm not sure if there are any pictures of Heidi and I dancing, but if some (good) ones show up I'll share them with you. 

After a water and snack break, I got back on the track and continued walking. I walked with a thankful heart and mind. My feet and knees were starting to fee sore. I was reminded of the intense pain I felt in my legs during chemo. I wasn't sure if that pain would ever fade. I thought about how strange it had felt to experience such tremendous pain that didn't stem from a physical injury. Feeling pain after a physical injury makes logical sense, right? Pain that comes from medicine that's supposed to be making me 'better' was hard to understand and accept. Feeling pain from walking so long made sense, and knowing that in a day or so I that pain would melt away was comforting. I am in control of my pain, my joy and my thankfulness level. That realization completed the circle of Relay for Life for me this year. 

Flashback to my first ever Relay for Life. Marco Island 2009. 

Around midnight my body had given out, my sister had completed her volunteer duties. We were ready to go home. 
I've come a LONG WAY in a year. I'm thankful for another year to Celebrate. Remember. Fight Back with my fellow Survivors. May we all be able to join together next year.... 

May 17, 2010- An Anniversary

An excerpt from my Caring Bridge Journal, May 17, 2010

Today is my last day of work and living in Naples, Florida and so I thought a final Florida update would be appropriate. 
I continue to deal with side effects from the internal radiation treatments. It's still burning when I urinate, although I've gotten tougher and rarely cry because of it anymore. Cranberry juice helps take the edge off the burning, but there's only so much sugary juice I can handle in a day. My tummy problems have calmed down quite a bit, though I still have to be careful about what I eat or else my body screams and fusses. I'm slowly adding in fresh veggies (mostly salads, because I totally love salads and miss them so much!) and whole grains into my daily life. The fatigue that radiation causes is waning, although now I'm tired from all the packing, sorting, and trips down the stairs to the garbage cans. All the work that has gone into moving has paid off. I am ready to go, and all my preciouses are boxed up and piled up in the dining room. I hope it all fits in the mini-van.........eeeekkk!

I had a PET scan last Tuesday to see if there's any metabolic activity (which means cancer activity in PETscanese). I will get the results of that scan tomorrow (Tuesday) morning at my final meeting with my gyn oncologist here in Florida. I already have an appointment with my new gyn oncologist in Tennessee, it's May 26th. It's amazing to me how well speciality doctors and their offices can work together- sometimes. My FL gyn onc's nurse got my referral for me, made sure that the new gyn onc is on my insurance (she is, yay!), and made sure my records got transferred. So, it IS possible and I am thankful for it. My friends and co-workers are throwing me a Farewell Party after work today. After the party, we're loading up the mini-van (hopefully with some help from the big strong guys at the party) so that once I leave the condo in the morning to go to my doctor's appointment in Fort Myers we can just keep going North. 

Today~

I can't believe it's been a year since I've been home. I've been through soooo much this past year. I've been in remission for 8 months now. WhooHOOO! I'm an Aunt to 5 adorable Peeps now. I've started and been successful at a new career after leaving my job in Florida. I've lost almost 20 pounds!! I've gone from a physically sick person who literally couldn't stomach fresh clean foods (I know it sounds crazy!) and didn't have very much strength or stamina for workouts to a relatively healthy consistent exerciser (I'm a Cathlete!) who is, thankfully, able to digest clean foods again. 

My list of things to be thankful for has grown exponentially. My group of friends, supporters and Survivor-Sisters has grown beautifully, too. I've gone from long wavy hair to 100% bald to really curly growing-out hair. 

I've gone from 2 sisters physically near to me, to one that's in Texas now.  I miss her and those precious 3 Peeps deeply. I've gone from being too physically tired to walk up the stairs after radiation, to not having the physical strength to walk up the stairs during chemo, to being in intense pain while walking up or down the stairs after chemo, to walking the stairs normally. 

Big and little changes and improvements... I'm thankful for each one of them as they have brought me here today. And today is very good. 

Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. ♥ Lionel Hampton

Surviving Rough Roads

Hey there, remember me? My blog has been pretty quiet lately. I've been writing and re-writing this post in my head for the past several days, but I kept chickening out. Since Easter Sunday I have allowed myself too many un-clean eats. I had planned on eating for fun and celebration ON Easter. The problem was that I didn't make a clean plan for Monday, or Tuesday or, well you get the idea.

One of my goals for this blog is to be honest about my life as a Survivor. There are times when I don't want live from a Survivor's perspective, though. Sometimes I just want to enjoy the moment. I want to get down on the floor with my toddler nieces and nephews and let them playfully and joyfully crawl on me and not worry about hurting my knees or anything else. I want to eat fast food and drink beer with my sister and just talk about random stuff without having to wonder if what I just ate and drank would be the start to a third recurrence.

This way of living- short or long term- isn't good for weight loss, of course. How will these food choices affect my weight loss?, has been the loudest question in my mind for years. Yes, I should think of this question before I eat. Yes, I should do this more often. It's something that I, an emotional eater, have been working on and improving for years.

However, the more potent and relevant question to myself should be- How will this food choice affect my risk of a third cancer recurrence? Asking myself this question before I eat something is critically important. Taking the focus off weight loss is also critically important, because losing weight is just one part of the preventing a third go-round. Yes, losing weight is important but it's not my ultimate goal. Losing weight is the wonderful side effect of clean plant based eating for me. If I thought, ate and planned from this greater perspective it would eliminate that pesky weight loss question mark. Crazy cool, huh?

Surviving cancer twice has been the catalyst to eating cleaner, yes, but also to exercising smarter, enjoying my family and friends in a deeper way, sharing this journey of Survivorship with honesty so that other Survivors and Prevent-ers may find inspiration, and finding peace with my food and body issues.

But how do I reconcile those days of unclean food choices once they are over? As I Survivor I wonder if that half a cheeseburger and cheese curds I shared with my mom and sister while on a mini-vacation last weekend will be the meal that starts that third recurrence on a cellular level. Living in fear isn't the answer, I realize, but for me an ounce of fear for another recurrence can sometimes act as a good motivator and reminder. It's difficult to find the balance between healthy fear, planning and everyday living for me as a Survivor.

Yesterday's gone and I can't go back. So, I'm moving forward with a refreshed attitude and approach, cravings satisfied, a few new fitness friends, and a clean eating plan. This Survivor's journey travels some rough roads at times, but I keep moving forward!

Counting Down SINS

Five more days of my SINS challenge to go! It's hard to believe that it's been almost 60 days already! It's even harder to believe that my final chemo treatment was 7 months ago! I am so proud of the strength and stamina I've gained and the pounds I've lost. I've worked hard for this progress, and I'm happier, healthier and wealthier for it. Taking control of my health and body has been beyond rewarding and enlightening. I highly recommend it!

On the twelfth day of my SINS challenge I wrote this update and increased my weight loss goal up to 12 pounds. My original goal was to lose 7 pounds in these 60 days.

As of today I have EXCEEDED that goal!! WowWoWwOw!

 I've lost 12.8 pounds in 55 days. 

A grand total of 15 pounds since my final chemo last September! 

I feel wonderfully and thankfully alive! I have been inspired and motivated by the awesome bloggers I've met at SINS (especially Marsha and Adam!) and, more recently, on Twitter. The world of a Survivor can be scary and dark place at times, thank you all for adding Light and Love to my path of healing. 

Although the end of my 60 Day SINS challenge is just about over, the challenge to reach my goal weight, increase my strength, cardio stamina and bone density continues on. I've got 65 more pounds to burn off and heavier dumbbells to lift! Onward and downward with a Spirit of gratitude.... 

Still SINS, New STS

I know, I know~ I haven't blogged about SINS for weeks. I promise that I haven't forgotten about the challenges I gave myself and shared with the SINS community. I was doing so well that I even upped my weight loss challenge. I admit that I lost a bit of spark and focus on these challenges. Overall, I am eating and living healthier than ever though. I'm proud of my improvements and positive changes. And I now fit into a smaller size as a bonus. Yay!!

Update

1. Goal was to lose 12 pounds. I've lost 8.8 so far. Whoohooo!! I've got 13 days left. I'm confident and determined to lose at least 2 more pounds by April 23rd. 
2. Goal was to gain lean muscle. I have definitely accomplished this one! I've increased my weight load on nearly every exercise. Totally nifty!
3. Goal was to stay within the calorie range of 1550- 1800 and carb range of 164g- 195g. I've done well, but I know I can be more consistent. I'm recommitting as of now! 

I'm starting a new self-challenge that's in the same vein of SINS. Cathe Friedrich's Shock Training System (STS) starts Monday!! I am uber excited! When this amazing series came out in 2009 I couldn't afford it and wasn't physically ready for it. Then came cancer treatment #2, and my hopes for doing STS dropped. I pretty much decided to stop trying to find the means to do it. Then came Cathe's Cathlete Appreciation sale a couple weeks ago. I felt like I won the coupon lottery! I sold a few of Cathe DVDs that I don't use due to impact to help cover the cost, and that was a big success. Cathletes are THE best!!

I believe that STS is going to propel me into my lifetime highest level of fitness. It's going to strengthen more than my muscles. My bones, focus, and belief in myself will all grow stronger. I'm thankful for the opportunity and the challenge.

12 Days of SINS

The SINS challenge has been a wonderful push of motivation and inspiration for me. All these bloggers are so incredible!! I'm doing really well and sticking to my daily goals which is, of course, getting me closer to my short and long term goals. Yesss!! Love how I'm feeling, thinking and living these days! 


I've lost 3 pounds in the past 12 days! Whoohooo!! That makes a total of 9.8 pounds since January. How joyfully awesome is THAT number?!? My reward today was fitting comfortably into a pair of very cute capris in a size smaller than I've been wearing. Yay!! Of course, there are lots of other rewards too. I feel generally better, less pressure on my sore post-chemo knees, I'm stronger (and strong IS the new skinny, in case you haven't heard), I'm making better food and portion size choices without feeling deprived, less emotional eating, and all these powerful anti-cancer foods are working their magic to help keep me in remission. That's just to name a few. 


One of my original goals for the SINS blogger challenge was to lose an additional 7 pounds by April 23. I am very sure that I can reach that goal, so I'm bumping it up. My new goal is to lose 12 more pounds by April 23. That would bring me down to pre-cancer #2 treatment weight. That will totally rock! 


I am becoming more gracious and loving towards my body, and learning to accept it as it is right now. My body has been through soooo much the past 2 years. I've had 2 major surgeries, 2 minor out-patient surgeries, several CT scans, a few PET scans, 6 weeks of radiation, and 6 chemo treatments. And this body is still goin' strong! I am deeply thankful for my health and the ability and opportunity to improve it. 


I shared my very honest, though not very self-kind, feelings about my body and the role it may have played in my cancers in this post.  Ironically, as I lose weight I am realizing that there is just no place for that kind of negative thinking or energy. One of my dearest friends, Christine wrote me an email after reading that post. She graciously gave me permission to share part of it here. She wisely said,  "That is such an honest feeling. And these are things that people feel all the time, but are afraid to say it out loud. I'm glad you were able to share and maybe help someone. And really? Say your weight DID partially cause the cancer. It's not like you CHOSE to be overweight. You didn't. First of all, you do have some genetics that factor into your body type. And then , you never ate purposefully to GET cancer. You ate for different reasons. For stress, for enjoyment (celebrations), and your eating habits were formed psychologically as well , over many years. I just don't think either way you are to blame. Ever. I hope that kind of makes sense. I'm sorry you have to go through these emotions, but it is good you got them out there!"


I've read these words over and over, and they always makes me feel better. I am sharing this here so Survivors, Fighters and Preventers out there can benefit from my experience and feelings, and Christine's wise and lovingly words. It's so hard to make sense of out of having cancer, and making peace with (usually) not having a definitive answer to the question- Why me? It's tough to not blame our bodies at some point during the cancer journey, but I truly hope that each Survivor reaches a new and deeper peace, respect and love toward their body. 


I am connected to 3 people who are in cancer treatment right now. Please send your positive energy and prayers to Jessica, Nancy, and my friend Heidi's sister. My daily prayer continues to be for peace, love and a cure for all of us. 

New Toys!

Three awesome things happened to me this weekend. I consider each of them a toy in some way or another.

First, my fresh issue of Clean Eating magazine arrived Friday. It rocks, but then again it always does. Here's why I love it so much! I started reading it after dinner, and that's how I started developing my menu for this week. I choose to whip up the Buffalo Chicken Salad and Spicy Tuna Melts this week. There are lots more recipes that I'll make in the near future from this issue, too. That's another post, though.

Also on my menu list for this week is kale chips. I'm excited about trying them! I was hoping to have time today to make them, but they'll have to wait until Wednesday night or Thursday.

Second awesome-ness was going to Whole Foods with my sister. I love that store, but I wish it wasn't SO crowded. I mean, I love that so many Memphians eat organic foods. Really I do, but I just wish the whole city didn't have to shop when I want to shop. I don't do well in crowds. I like my personal space to stay, well, personal. I don't want to feel rushed when I'm shopping. I like to stop and read the packages of 4 different kinds of organic rice without someone trying to reach around me or run over me with their basket. What Memphis REALLY needs is a Trader Joe's. Do you hear that, Memphians? Someone PLEASE open a TJ's here!!

Ahem. Excuse me. Back to the grocery shopping... I love to grocery shop, and yes I know that's kind of weird. I take great pleasure in seeing stuff like organic blue cheese (made in Wisconsin, Go Packers!), organic beans in a BPA-free cans, 6 different kinds of nitrate free bacon...I could go on and on and on and on. But I won't. You're welcome. We bought lots of yummy high quality food. (see below!) We, also, found a peanut butter cheesecake that looks delicious in the bakery, so we bought one. Mom, my sister and I shared it for dessert.

I choose the organic mini sweet peppers because they were cheaper than the organic bell peppers. Go figure!

Beautiful blue cheese, organic kale, pesticide free tomatoes and organic pink lady apples (my fave!). The blue cheese is going to do double duty this week. It goes on the Buffalo Chicken Salad, of course! And it also will go with the vegetable in the next picture.

Guess what these powerful anti-cancer roots are? 

Did you say beets? Hope so!

Here's what 3 heads of romaine lettuce and a red leaf lettuce look like while I'm chopping and cleaning.

The third awesome-ness was finding 2 pound thumb-hook weights at Target for only $13 a pair! I've needed heavier weights for a couple weeks now, but heavy dumbbells are expensive. I'd been eying these and these but they each are only 1 pound per hand.  I'd love to own more workout gear that says CATHE, but when I saw these at Target. I knew they must be mine! Sorry, Cathe! 

By buying this awesome new toy I have just about doubled my dumbbell increment selection! Oh, you want to see my dumbbells? Okay! My apologizes about the shadows...I'm just not a very good photographer. 

Before my new thumb-hook weights I had the following increments:

2

3

5

8

10

11

Now that I have this cool new toy I have these increments:

2

3

4

5

7

8

10

11

12 

13

I am very excited about my new increment choices! All these increments will surely help me reach my SINS challenge goals!

Entering SINS

I can't believe I'm doing this, but here I go!! 


I'm joining the Strong is the New Skinny's Body Transformation Blog Challenge! I want to make the best fitness progress of my life. I feel like I've been building up to this for a loooong time. Chemo is long since over, and my body is ready to get fitter. Losing weight and gaining muscle is a powerful way for me to squash out a third cancer recurrence, and this challenge will keep me motivated. I've got some very tough competition, but ultimately this competition is with myself. 


My Goals:
I'm starting today, Feb 23. 


Lose 10 pounds by April 23. That's 60 days away. (No, I'm not going to share how much I weigh right now. ha!)


Increase my lean muscle. My awesome and always effective Cathe Friedrich strength DVDs will surely help me! The only way I'll have to judge this, I think, is by how much I can increase my weight load. As I am able to increase my weight load in specific exercise, I'll let you know.


Increase my daily vegetable intake. I want to average at least 6 servings of veggies a day. I'm following an anti-cancer diet that focuses on plant based foods so that shouldn't be too difficult. 


Stay within my calorie range of 1550- 1800 per day, and my carb range of 164- 195 grams per day.


I'm excited, focused and glad to be in such good and fit company! Thanks for challenge, SINS!

Power in Numbers

My cancer clinic, The West Clinic, has fantastic support services. Many of those services are funded and made available through Wings Cancer Foundation. I am forever grateful to West Clinic and Wings. Today I'm especially thankful because I got to have a complimentary BodyGem test. (Read about my first visit with this wonderful lady here.) This test measures your RMR, resting metabolic rate, which is how many calories your body needs to breathe, digest, and keep your heart beating while in a resting fasting state. That's right, fasting state. I've wanted to get my RMR tested for years, but never had the opportunity (or funds) until now. Thank you West Clinic!

There are a couple different math formulas that give an estimate of your RMR. Here is one that does the math for you. And here is a different one. I got 2 very different numbers from these sites, by the way. This link gives a good explanation of RMR and BMR along with the 2 most used formulas for the math whizzes out there. I learned today that calculating your RMR using any of these formulas is just an estimate though, because the math just can't account for your lean muscle and body fat. This is why the BodyGem test is so helpful! 

Since this test requires fasting I made the appointment for mid-morning. I arrived early because, sadly, Monday mornings at West Clinic are very busy which makes it hard to find a parking place. I'm thankful I'm healthy enough to be able to park in a spot farthest away from the building and walk. I had to wait for awhile because they had to update my insurance information. Meanwhile, I did my best to keep a restful relaxed disposition since that's an important aspect of the test. 

I used my self-guided imagery and breathing techniques to get me into a nice restful state for about 10 minutes before the test started. I use my best memories to create a peaceful trip to and from the beach for my guided imagery. The test itself was pretty simple- my nose was comfortably pinched and I wrapped my mouth around the breathing tube and all I had to do was relax and breathe. It lasted about 8 minutes. It felt much shorter to me, which was cool. 

My test results are very intriguing to me. My RMR, according to BodyGem, is 1440 calories. The good  news is that there are no good or bad RMRs. The number just is what it is. It's information, and info = power. Right?! Today I learned that the more muscle you have the higher your RMR. The reverse is true, too; RMR decreases as you lose muscle. Over the past year I have lost muscle due to cancer treatments (including the steroids I needed during chemo) and not being physically able to work out consistently. Now that a lot of my physical healing is behind me, I've been able to get back to consistently working out. You all know by now that I love my Cathe DVDs! I've been focusing on strength training for the past couple weeks just based on my intuition. Now I know my intuition was spot on! The stronger my muscles get, the stronger my metabolism will become and my risk of another recurrence will decrease. 

I'm, also, going to use this new information to tweak my daily calorie intake. I now know that I need to eat at least 1440 calories a day. I'm between lightly and moderately active, depending on the day, so I use these formulas: 1440 X 1.375 =  1980 and 1440 X 1.55= 2232 So, in order to maintain my weight I should eat between 1980 and 2232 calories a day. Since I want to LOSE weight, I have to lower that range. A pound equals 3000 calories. I want to lose about 1 pound per week. So I need to reduce my calorie range by 3000 for the week. 3000/7 = 429  So, my target calorie range is now 1550- 1800. There's power in numbers!!

Actually, that calorie range is pretty close to what I've been following the past few weeks. I'm glad I'm on the right track! So far I've lost 7 pounds. Yay!! I'm quite thankful to have this powerful information to help me lose weight which will reduce my risk for another cancer recurrence. That's what I'm all about these post-treatment days- giving the chance for another cancer a good beat down!

What are you doing to prevent cancer or a cancer recurrence? Have you had a BodyGem test? Tell me about your experience!

Empowered Eating

 Cancer has been a catalyst to me by opening doors to new information and the help of experts. One of those experts is my oncology nutritionist. I love this lady! She is kind, non-judgmental, eager to help, and full of knowledge. I had the great pleasure of meeting with her recently. She has given me a fresh approach to eating to improve my health and lose weight. Thanks to her (the Wings Cancer Foundation and the West Clinic's Support Services) I have a written, clear, do-able, live-able food plan will help me reach my weight loss goals, and also help my body fight and kill cancer cells. I'm excited, relieved, thankful and empowered!! Thank you, my dear oncology nutritionist!! 

I have been successfully following this new food plan for the past week. (Yes, I have lost weight!!) Of course, this new way of eating is a bit of transition for me. I'm embracing it, however, and figuring out how to make it work into my life without it taking over all my time. I'm also figuring out how to divvy up my carbs for the day, add in more olive oil and flax seeds, and eat enough protein. It requires time to plan, log my eats into SparkPeople, and- yes- prepare and cook food. I am so thankful that I already love to chop and cook!! I am also thankful for Clean Eating magazine which showed up in my mailbox at the perfect time. (I shared why I love Clean Eating magazine so much here.) 

This past Saturday I made 2 recipes from the current issue- Country-Style Beef and Green Pepper soup and Mediterranean Vegetable, White Bean and Feta Penne. Both recipes are delicious and only took me 2 hours to gather, prep, cook and clean up. I think that's a wise use of my time!! 

I didn't occur to me to share my cooking experience with you until I started on the Mediterranean Veg, White Bean and Feta Penne recipe. Bad blogger, bad bad!! 

Instead of following the recipe to the
letter by using fresh tomatoes, I
chose to use a can of undrained unsalted
petite diced tomatoes. Balsamic vinegar
and fresh garlic went into the bowl, too. It
marinated while all the stuff cooked.

Green peppers and zucchini with a wee bit of
organic extra virgin olive oil sizzled
in a medium hot skillet.

After the zuccs and peppers cooked
for about 5 minutes, the marinated
tomato mixture gets added to the skillet.

A can of navy beans gets added to

the pasta for the last minute of the

pasta's cooking time.

Then the pasta and beans get added, too.

Then the feta gets added on top with a little rosemary. I used 6
ounces of fat-free feta, but the recipe actually
calls for 8 ounces of low-fat.

Delicious!! The soup and the pasta both turned out to be deliciously clean, healthy and now ready to eat during the week. The pantry is stocked with tuna, peanut butter, fresh grapefruit, organic mango salsa, organic blue corn and flax tortilla chips, Kashi Go Lean cereal, and rolled oats. The fridge has organic baby spring mix salad, organic carrots and celery, leftover green beans, lactose-free natural cheese, organic Greek yogurt, organic lactose-free milk, organic flaxseeds, nitrate-free lean deli-style turkey, whole grain bread, and a serving of leftover Pad Thai with shrimp. The freezer's got shrimp, orange roughy, broccoli, spinach, asparagus, organic lean beef, and chicken breasts. I'm armed with healthy foods and ready for a healthy, clean, and sweaty week! 

Are you? Tell me what healthy foods you're eating this week!

Yes, Grapefruit!!

My fresh approach to weight loss by way of healthy eating and exercise without over-focusing is really working for me. I'm still keeping a food journal, I'm still exercising regularly, I'm still eating my fruits & veggies. What's changed is my perspective and attitude. My long term goal of preventing a third occurrence of cancer is fueling my shorter term goal of losing weight. Eating healthfully, mindfully and focusing on anti-cancer foods  along with exercise will eventually get me to my goal weight. Somehow it's clicked in my mind and I'm able to make it my lifestyle with more ease and a lot less stress. That's helping with my emotional eating issues, too. It's all connected- inside and out.

I got excited about grapefruit recently which is weird because I used to hate grapefruit. That was looooong before cancer entered my life and loooong before I made a commitment to improve my health. I fell in love with eating grapefruit three years ago when I lived in Naples, Florida. I found the yummiest grapefruit (and other fruits and veggies of all kinds!) at the Farmer's Market on Marco Island. I would buy a 5 pound bag fresh from the orchard, bring it home and section it all up so I could easily and quickly add it as part of my breakfast.

One of the medicines my oncologist prescribed to help manage one of my chemo side effects (my oh-so-fun foot numbness) isn't supposed to be taken with grapefruit. I was bummed, because I thought that meant I couldn't eat grapefruit at all. However, when I re-read the all that tiny print that comes with every script I was delighted to find out that I can eat grapefruit in the mornings!! Yes!! I can eat grapefruit again!! I just can't eat grapefruit around the time I take this medicine, and since I take it right before bed it's all good. Yippie!!! Grapefruit just belongs to breakfast in the winter for me. My world makes sense again.

So, I got some grapefruit. I had it for breakfast this morning along with 2 scrambled eggs, 1 piece of whole wheat toast topped with Earth Balance 'butter' and half a cup of Organic Serena blend Starbuck's coffee. I don't drink coffee often because, honestly, I don't usually like it. But I love this organic coffee!! It's smooth and rich and just yummy- plus it's organic. I love it when there's organic food in the house!

Who ever thought I'd be excited about grapefruit?!? What healthy food to you love now, but once hated? What new fruit or veggie have you tried lately?