Relief. Joy. Gratitude.

I bet you thought I forgot about the promise I made for a fresh post tonight, didn't you? It's ok to admit it. I almost forgot myself! 

I've been waiting for all the final results to come back before sharing about my last round of post-treatment tests, but I still haven't gotten a call back. I've learned to assume that no callbacks are a good thing for cancer Survivors, so I'm going to just flow with it.

I went through the most tests in the least amount time this go round at The West Clinic. It was wonderful to have so little time in the waiting room! A little bizarre, too.

My 9 month follow up I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn from my Port-a-cath, a chest X-ray, a CT scan and a pelvic exam. It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

My Port worked beautifully once again. Yay!!

I was hoping to get to lay down for the chest X-ray, but I didn't. I just stood there, turned, and turned again. I even got an initial 'all ok'. That's never ever happened. Bizarre, but in a good way. It certainly put me at ease. Just having to have a chest X-ray made me a little anxious. I understand that my oncologist is covering all the bases since I am a two time Survivor, though.

Then I was off to the CT scan waiting area. There were 2 ladies already sitting there. They were talking and giggling a bit. The kind of giggling you do when you're really nervous or scared but fighting through it. I thought they were sisters, but they were mother and daughter. The mother had just been diagnosed, and this was her first CT scan. We didn't sit together very long at all, but I did my best to share some Love and Light with her. The scan made her sick and my heart went out to her. Cancer sucks.

I'm very thankful that they have upgraded the chalky CT scan barium drink to one that tastes like plain water. There's less volume and it's much easier to drink.

During the scan I actually felt a little light headed and nauseous towards the end. That's never happened to me in my long history of CT scans. It passed pretty quickly. That short experience scared me a bit, and made me wonder if feeling a little sick in the scan meant something less than good. Intellectually, I couldn't see how but Survivors don't just think intellectually during tests.

On my way upstairs to my oncologist's office (gyn Survivors have a whole special floor), I stopped in the bathroom to collect myself. I let myself cry for a couple minutes because I needed the stress release. Just being at the West Clinic is emotional for me. All I smell in there is chemo drugs and it's so icky. Then I took a few deep breaths, gave myself a quick self Reiki treatment, and thought about all my blessings.

I figured I would be sitting in the waiting room for at least an hour, but nope. Three minutes later I was in the exam room. My mom was running a bit late, but thanks to text messaging and 45 mile per hour roads between her office and the clinic she slid into the room minutes before the oncologist. Is she good or what? Just another demonstration of her awesomeness!!

Thankfully, my nurse and oncologist noticed that I've lost 17 official pounds since the end of chemo! It was nice to get some recognition and kudos from my medical team. Yay!!

The oncologist went through my questions with me. I'm still not sure when I'll have my Port removed. My onc didn't make a big deal out of that at all, so I won't either. It doesn't hurt, and it's not like anyone but me is rubbing or otherwise feeling it. Once in awhile one of my Peeps elbow me in that one tiny spot, but that's about it. I did find out that removing it won't mess up the chest muscles I've been working so hard on building and strengthening. I was incredibly relieved to hear that good news. I was prepared to keep the Port forever if it meant cutting into my new muscles!!

Then it was drum roll time. My onc sat down at the computer in the exam room to look at my test results. This is the part where I was literally holding my breath, and I bet Mom was too.



NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!! Whoohoooo!!

However, I do have a small incisional hernia from all the scar tissue next to my belly button. And I have one really huge gallstones and a few smaller ones. Neither issue is causing me any harm right now,  so we're just going to watch and be aware. My onc did encourage me to buy a compression belt to wear while I'm lifting weights. So now I look even cuter when I lift. I'm extra thankful that I workout in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Relief. Joy. Gratitude. Freedom to move forward with my beautiful life as a (now) 10 month Survivor. 

Celebrating with Cashmere

It's still sinking into my brain and my soul~ remission. What a humongous relief!! It doesn't feel real to me quite yet. I am overwhelmed by all the joyful responses I've gotten from my friends and family on Facebook last night and today. I am over-filled with thankfulness for every prayer, every positive vibe, every strong shoulder, every Reiki treatment, every hug, every card and email, every gift, every friend that helped to hold me up and encourage me along this 14 month cancer treatment journey. A very special thank you to my mom, Sharon. Thank you Mom for your strength and love that reached all way to south Florida at the beginning of this scary cancer journey and that brought me home for the completion with it's sickness turned to joy. Also, thank you, Mom, for all of your many layers of support, kindness, faith, and care-giving. You're a God-sent Angel, I have no doubt!


This is my Mom, my Angel, and I last Christmas. I love you Mom!



It took a few hours to get to hear the word 'remission' from my Gyn Oncologist. I started with a blood draw, which happens every time to go The West Clinic. Then we moved to a waiting area and I answer questions about how I've felt the past week using an e-Tablet (which is pretty cool because it saves paper and is more efficient for the clinic!). A few minutes later a Tech comes out and gives me a bottle of water and kindly tells me to drink it and they'll be ready to scan me in about 20 minutes. I was a little confused about the water, because when I've had CT scans in the past I have to drink 3 big bottles of this chalky barium. I'm thankful for the water, though, and drink it up. Another Tech comes out 20 minutes later to bring me to the scanner, and I cautiously tell her that I haven't had any barium drink yet. She tells me that the medicine they need for the scan was in the water, it's a new and much easier way. Whoohoooo!! The CT scan went smoothly and as usual I kept my eyes closes and allowed my brain to bring me to a happy place. The Techs came back in and that was it. The easiest and friendliest CT scan ever!! 


Then it was upstairs to my Gyn Oncologist's waiting area. We waited for a couple hours, but somehow Mom and I stayed fairly relaxed about it. Mom has a Droid with lots of fun Apps so that entertained us while we waited. Finally, at almost 5 o'clock, it's my turn. The nurse is very friendly and answers my questions. A few minutes later my oncologist comes in. We talk for a couple minutes and then it's exam time. Ouchie!!! Thankfully it was over quickly. I asked the rest of my questions, and am happy with the answers. My oncologist turns and does some stuff on the computer that's in the exam room. Then she says, your scan is Good, no signs of cancer anywhere. Mom and I both tear up with relief and joy. The onc finishes up, gives me a high 5 and leaves the room. Mom and I share a big hug and a few tears. And just like that this long 14 month cancer treatment journey comes to an end. It blows my mind! 


We celebrated by going out to dinner at Colton's Steakhouse. It was deeeelish! Then we got down to the serious celebrating and went to one of our favorite stores, Kohl's!! I've been eying their cashmere sweaters for a couple years. So when I came across a beautiful teal cashmere sweater that just happened to be 55% off I just HAD to try it on. It fit very nice and looked quite good, if I do say so myself. As I took it off I commented to Mom that it was fun to just try it on. And she said that she would buy it for me in celebration of my remission!! My Mom is totally awesome!! (My youngest niece, who is 2 and half has a shirt that says the exact same thing!). What a fabulous way to celebrate!! 


Here I am wearing my celebration cashmere!! Look how much my hair has grown! And I even have some eyebrows again!! Thank you, God, for remission and for all of the thousands of other blessing in my life. 

Final Countdown, Part 1

One of my countdowns is just about finished, I go to my cancer clinic tomorrow afternoon for a post-treatment CT scan and an exam. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 2 whole months since my final chemo treatment! I'm regaining cardio stamina and strength at a good pace, and I'm feeling pretty darn good. My feet still have numbness which varies from barely noticeable to very uncomfortable, and I'm thankful for the improvement. 

I'm feeling a bit anxious about the CT scan tomorrow. I've been using a couple different techniques to deal with the anxiety. My mentor and dear friend, Curt (who has 30 years of counseling experience) taught me the value and power in replacing my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. So when my mind thinks about how extremely unlikely any cancer recurrence should have been for me I consciously stop that thought, and I choose to think about how I did during my most recent Cathe workout or I work up a vivid mental picture of the powerful chemo drugs and radiation killing off any 'loose' cancer cells in my body.

I've also been meditating and praying before I get out of bed each morning. I am thankful to have to a very flexible schedule right now that allows me to meditate for 30 minutes and exercise when I want to right now. Meditating and exercising are major parts of my healing and recovery process, and I deeply appreciate the gift of time to focus recovering and healing. 

My Cathe workouts have played a big role in stress reduction over the past 7 years. I love how Cathe challenges and encourages me through each of her workouts! Lately, I've been focusing on circuit workouts. I love how I can push myself a little harder in the cardio segments when I know a cardio break is coming soon in circuit workouts. Then I get to lift weights in the next segment. I totally love lifting weights! Over the past 2 months I've worked up to being able to do a few Cathe workouts all the way through without using premixes (many of Cathe's workouts come with condensed version of the workout to save on time or focus on cardio over weights etc). I still have to modify the intensity and/or impact. I'm very proud of myself!!  Today I did a circuit workout called  Cardio & Weights- the whole 60 minutes! My feet are tired out and a bit achey tonight, but it's definitely worth it! I burned off some stress and calories, and created some very good feelings about myself. That's a good trade off in my book. 

I came across an inspiring article at CureToday.com titled New exercise guidelines for cancer survivors. Since my cancer history is gynecological I liked the article even more!! I would have loved to have clear guidelines to have followed during my treatment as well as post treatment. This article helped push me to get back to regular exercise, and I'm very grateful!

Tomorrow is the 'big' day, but I doubt if I will get the full results from the CT scan right away. More waiting which means more exercising, meditating and thought shifting for me, but I know without a doubt I won't be alone. My family and friends are great supporters and caregivers with strong shoulders. I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one! Despite a bit of understandable anxiety, I truly believe that this scan will prove to me that my body is free of cancer and is healing well. I'm looking forward to hearing my oncologist tell me that I'm cured, or in remission, or whatever label she will use. I already know that I'm a Survivor!

My next entry will be about the amazingly wonderful spa night for cancer Survivors and Fighters that I got to attend on Monday night...

Countdowns Part II

Countdowns are a part of most people’s lives. We countdown until the weekend, a vacation, or a holiday. Some people, a-hem ME, also countdown to things that aren’t so much fun such as going to the dentist. During my cancer treatment I counted down to surgery, then the end of radiation, then the end of chemo with lots of little countdowns in-between. I, also, counted down to moving home so I could continue treatment surrounded by my family. I mixed fun countdowns with the not so fun ones, and tried to focus on the positives.

I’ll have my post-chemo CT scan and physical exam in 9 days. I’m truly expecting positive news from this scan. I’m a bit anxious about talking with my oncologist, because I don’t want to forget to ask any important questions and I don’t want to hear any answers that I may not like. After over a year of waiting, tests, and treatments I feel like I’m finally getting some control over my body and life again, and I don’t want to hear anything that would change that from my gyn oncologist. I want to get on with getting on with my life!

I’m also doing a different kind of countdown. My youngest sister, her husband and 3 of ‘my’ Peeps are moving to Texas in 19 days. I am happy for them because the city they are moving to is a wonderful and beautiful place for a family. I am happy for them because the job my brother-in-law got is a fantastic career opportunity. I am heartbroken to lose them from my daily life, as are my other sister and my Mom. I feel as if I just got them ‘back’ when I moved home 5 short months ago. Each moment we share together between now and then is bittersweet. My middle niece, who almost 3, snuggled on the couch with me last night and was delighted to watch me blow bubble after bubble with my gum. It was amazing how much joy we both got out of those few minutes. I am heartbroken to countdown to this change and can't imagine not having those Peeps here with us. Yet, I know that change is the only true constant in life and that we choose to make the change better or worse by the energy and attitude that we put into it.

Pauline R. Kezer once said, “Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.”

The continuity of my family has always been unconditional love. We live in it every day no matter where each of us are physically or emotionally. We appreciate it, silently depend on it, and recognize that it’s precious. However, a root by itself is pretty boring even though it’s strong. Roots are meant to hold up and feed it’s branches. As my sister and her family move a new bud of change is pushing itself out of the family’s root and is stretching into Texas. The Connie-branch has a new bud of change, too. I’m changing from patient to Survivor, from a life on hold with cancer to a life free of cancer. May both new branches stretch and grow healthfully while rooted in love and powered by positive thoughts, words and energy.

The countdown continues....