Starting Again. Again.

Where to start? I have so much to share with my dear Readers, but haven't the time. Same ol' story, I know.

I'm working on refreshing this blog and bringing it back. Again. Please look on the right side of the screen... My dear friend Sarah drew this piece of me in celebration of Remission. She'll be writing a Guest Post about her inspiration for this beautiful piece soon!

I'm 18 days away from a full year since chemo treatments. I can't believe it's been a year!! I've glossed over many cancerversaries the past several weeks. Though they each have deep meaning to me, my focus has been elsewhere. I think that's a good sign. I've focused mostly on my business, but also on finishing Cathe Friedrich's Shock Training System (STS) and releasing negative emotions through Young Living essential oils and writing in my journal.

Remission is beautiful and full. I thank God every single day for this amazing life, even on the days when I'm not feeling particularly grateful because human life is sometimes challenging. Those are the times when it's most important to have a grateful heart.

Cleaning it Up

I think it's time to shake up the blog a bit. My posts have been pretty heavy lately. Life isn't so serious. I make time for fun and yummies, too. In fact laughter and clean healthy whole foods are great for healing processes. But you already knew that, right? 

Last Sunday I took inventory of my freezer and pantry then sat down with my Clean Eating, Oxygen and Eating Well magazines and came up with a plan. I need quick dishes that are rich in protein and veggies because life is wonderfully full but I still want to eat healthy. I like lots of nutritional bang from the time I put into the kitchen.

I made the following 3 recipes in about 2 hours. Seriously, just 2 little hours. You have 2 hours to devote to eating healthier, don't you? 

Burger Mix (from Oxygen's Collector's Issue Summer 2005) (I quad'ed the org recipe for the week)

 16oz extra lean ground beef (I use grass fed)

2 cups brown rice (already had it cooked and frozen so it was super easy)

1 c chopped onion

15 oz can of no salt added diced tomatoes

I added a little big of Greek seasoning and ketchip too. Yum! 

My mom wanted me to try replicate a Garbanzo bean Salad she had at catered event last week.

2 cans organic Garbanzo beans

1/4 c unsweetened dried cherries

1 big can of artichoke hearts

1/2 red onion, diced

1/2 bunch of parsley, chopped

1 clove of garlic 

4 oz goat cheese

1/3 c chopped walnuts

Then I whisked together organic oilive oil and organic apple cider vinegar to hold it together. Mom said I nailed it! Woot!! 

The last thing I 'cooked' today came from Eating Well's June 2010 issue:

Broccoli, Ham and Pasta Salad

6 ounces of dry whole wheat noodles

4 cups broccoli (I steamed a bag of frozen, because raw brocc doesn't work well at my house)

6 ounces nitrate free ham and turkey lunch meat (instead of diced ham)

large red pepper, diced

1/3 c red onion, finely diced

1/3 c raisins

Creamy Herb Dressing

1/2 c low fat mayo

1/3 c nonfat plain yogurt (I used Greek, and therefore could have easily halved or eliminated the mayo)

1/4 c lowfat sour cream

3 T rice vinegar (could sub white wine vin)

1 T Dijon mustard

1 T honey

1/2 T dried chives (or fresh)

1.5 tsp tarragon or dillweed

1/2 tsp onion and/or celery salt (I just used onion powder)

white pepper to taste

Mix it all up! 

I've got a little of the Burger Mix and Garbanzo Bean salad left to get me through the weekend. Which reminds me, I'll need to make a plan for next week soon. 

What's your clean eating plan for next week?

I finished Cathe Friedrich's STS (Shock Training System) yesterday. I'm so proud of myself! I made fantastic strength gains on a few different levels, but that's the next post. 

Don't miss it! 

Releasing & Healing

During the Wings Cancer Foundation's gynecologic Survivor's Retreat two Saturdays ago, I realized that I have more healing to embrace. This next phase of healing is emotional and mental, and so far I think it's harder than the physical. I've held onto negative thoughts concerning blame and the question of 'Why me?' long enough. I'll never know the answers, because there isn't one and they don't really matter anyway.

That cancer happened to me isn't important anymore. What IS important is what I create and gain from the experience. Cancer has been a catalyst to many wonderful new experiences and relationships, and it's perfectly okay to just accept those positives without supplementing any negatives. 

I'm also ready to let go of the guilt I've been feeling over 'getting' cancer twice in 2 years. I've blamed my abusive childhood. I've blamed my father. I've blamed myself for being overweight. I've blamed emotional eating and lack of willpower. I've blamed hormone interrupting plastics and chemicals that surround us. 

All that blaming hasn't gotten me anywhere good, though. My counselor gently asked me if it truly is important to assign blame. Up until this phase of healing it felt moderately important to me, but now that importance is fading. It feels like a new dawning.... 

I'm using 3 tools to help me release the blame and guilt:

1. Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol Truman

2. Writing in my new journal using the book Wings Foundation gave me at the Retreat Scribing the Soul by Kathleen Adams

3. Young Living's Essential Oils 

I'll be sharing details about each of these tools in upcoming posts. They all involve replacing negative energy (thoughts of blame and guilt) with positive energy (gratitude and Truth). I want to welcome all the positive Energy into my life as possible!!

Many thanks to Wings Cancer Foundation for the continued support as I heal..... 

If you're a Survivor who has been through the emotional healing process, please consider sharing a bit of that journey with me and my readers in a comment. 

Retreating...

It started with a postcard in the mail, an invitation to the Wings Cancer Foundation's summer Retreat for gynecological cancer Survivors. It was a fun surprise to get that kind of mail. I immediately thought it was an awesome idea and wanted to go. Then after a day or so, I started wondering if I wanted to dredge up all those cancer emotions again. I am moving forward and creating a happy successful new life, and I didn't want to lose my momentum or trip myself up.

My soul told me I should go though, and I've learned to listen. So, I went even though I was a bit afraid. I pictured lots of hugging, sad stories and crying. While there was hugging, and we did share our 'sad stories' and some of us cried (yes me) it was a marvelous experience. I'm so glad I went despite my fears!

It was wonderfully comforting to be with women who have been though what I've gone through, understand how I feel about it, and get introduced to some new methods of emotional healing. I didn't know anyone there, but I left with many new Survivor Sisters.

I also started the next phase of my healing process. My body is mostly healed. I thought my emotions were mostly healed up, too. I was wrong. It happens every now and again. Surprising, right?

The Retreat started with a light breakfast and finding comfort with people who were as outside of their comfort zone as I felt. Amazing women. Inspiring women. Strong women. Beautiful women in different stages of Fight and Survivorship. We share a deep bond, even though we may not have realized it at first. We felt it... 

The first session in the Retreat was Yoga. The Yoga instructor artfully led us through 90 minutes of gentle and calming Yoga poses. Her Spirit is full of graceful Light. Through the session she reminded us to only do what our bodies could do today, and showed us many alternative moves. Yoga is so calming, centering, empowering and healing. I'm thankful that Wings offers so many free Survivor Yoga classes.

The second session was led by an inspirational writer and speaker with a beautiful calm energy who gently led us through some Journaling therapy. That 90 minutes unlocked the door to my next level of healing. I've always loved to journal. Since I was about 9 I've found peace, problem resolutions, stress relief, and self acceptance through journaling in the past. Ironically, sometime after my second diagnosis in January of 2010 I stopped journaling. The emotions and thoughts were too raw to face at the time for me. I thought that over time I had dealt with these emotions, and moved on from them but no. I buried some of them. It was a surprisingly and disconcerting realization.

It's time to start digging them up, looking at them, feeling them, and releasing them. Wings very generously gave each Survivor a beautiful blank journaling book and journaling therapy guide book. The book is absolutely amazing... if you enjoy journaling I highly recommend it. It's not just for Survivors, it can be applied to any and all issues. I feel so richly blessed...

We shared a tasty lunch and fabulous conversation. After sharing very personal and deep journal entries we were bonded and spoke like old dear friends.. and knew that we are indeed Sisters in Survival. 

The final session was laughter therapy. Do you know much healing power is in laughing? I think it's safe to say that everyone at the Retreat felt happier, and emotionally lighter after this final session. The speaker was absolutely wonderful, and is a 3 time Survivor herself. She knew what she was talking about... and made us laugh heartily. 

Thank you, Wings Cancer Foundation. You have empowered and soothed my healing process more than my words could ever say... 

Whaddya know?

Apparently this blog doesn't write itself... Hmpf. I wish I could just think a post and have it magically appear. On second thought, that may terrify everyone. Nevermind.

No, I'm not quitting or giving up this blog. Life has been beautifully busy, but short on hours.

Here are some upcoming topics (yes, soon):

A convention that changed my life.... My 9 month post chemo battery of tests and scans report...  My wonderful quality time with all 5 of Peeps this summer... Strength training pride... My first encounter with Cross Fit... Weight loss update... How essential oils are improving my life...

That should get the ball rolling again. Fresh post coming up on Wednesday evening. Pinky swear.

And Now, My Sister Sally Shares...

Hello, I'm Sally White, Connie's sister. I'm not a blogger so I'm just going to jump right in. Like I said Connie is my sister, a two time Cancer survivor, a Cathlete and my best friend.

 Connie has inspired me to eat healthy and exercise, if she can do it so can I.

I am a mother of three wonderful children and I have a great husband. I am blessed to be able to stay at home to raise our kids which doesn't leave me a lot of free time to exercise. I have recently found my balance, I workout at night after the kids are all asleep and everything is picked up. 

I enjoy cooking healthy meals for my family. We have gotten the kids addicted to fruit and veggies. These rare children would rather eat apples than pizza!!

I tried to workout when our oldest was a baby, but I couldn't wrap me head around it with going to college, being a new mom and everything that went with it. Although I did enjoy exercising with my sister and sometimes our mom. 

It didn't help that I was very unhappy with the way I looked. I was a size 6 before I had Zoey, and I gained over 80lbs while I was pregnant, which was awful. I just wanted my body to snap back to normal, but of course that didn't happen. The more I did try the more I got mad at myself, I told myself that it wasn't working nor was it worth it... I was stuck in this body and nothing I did would change it.  I just gave up. I regret that now, but I can't go back. All I can do is focus on now.

So here I am 5 years later and I'm giving it my best shot. Connie got me into Cathe Friedrich and I love her! She makes me work, sweat, "feel the burn" and it hurts so good!!! I am still very new to working out and its HARD, but so worth it. I can now do Cathe's Travel Fit DVD, which I never thought I would do. I rotate Travel Fit and Low impact- Total Body Sculpting, and I also run after the kids (it's exercise, I swear ).

I don't want these exercises to become "easy" after a few more weeks I would like to move up to something harder and eventually do STS.

For now, I am happy that I can do any of it!

Cleaning Up

I've been a bad blogger lately. I've had plenty to say (when do I not? ha!), but just haven't had time to write. So, I've asked a couple very special people to help me keep this blog alive and hopping by writing Guest Posts while I'm away on business. Be on the lookout tomorrow morning for the first one!


I realized, yes again, that there just isn't going to be a 'normal' in my life. I'm okay with it, I just need to learn to adapt my clean eating to it on a much better level. 


No, wait a minute. Actually, I kind of LOVE that my life isn't 'normal'. I just want to learn to eat cleanly in every un-normal scenario. The key is planning and having quick clean eats to grab no matter what. I'm going to be practicing over the weekend while on a business trip. I have a few clean-ish protein bars, Clean Eating's Cajun red beans and rice with turkey sausage packed up and ready for the cooler, clean drinks for the ride and the hotel (to save money, too!), snack size baggies of nuts, a bag of organic popcorn for noshing, and my head screwed on clean and straight. 


The past few days have been transitional-clean (yes, I made up that term) after nearly 2 solid weeks of unwise choices while my sisters and their kids were visiting and playing. It's wasn't 100% awful, there were some clean eats squeezed in here and there but nothing consistent. Not surprisingly I felt pretty bad most days. 


I think, for me, part of going berserk is rebelling against this 'new' way of eating that cancer forced upon me. I'm in the midst of my next round of post treatment check ups. (My last set of tests is this coming Thursday, and I should get all the results at the end of the day.) These days have an anxious undertone to them which makes me want to find comfort in food. I know better, yes. And yes I've chosen to embrace clean eating as a long term way to fight against another cancer recurrence among other health reasons. No one has forced it on me, besides me and the research I've done and can't ignore. Still, I forget about all that sometimes. (Damn you chemo brain!!)  I'm remembering again and feel oh soooo much better already! 


I had a fabulous 75 minute reflexology treatment from my dear friend at Foot Steps In Eden on Monday, been doing self-Reiki treatments every day, just finished Cathe's STS Meso 2 today and eats are getting cleaner and cleaner. Ahhhhh. And Ommmmm.


Curious about Reiki and Reflexology? Look for my friend Tricia's guest post here tomorrow. It's a goodie. Many thanks, Tricia!! 

Grateful in this Village

My TX sister, aka Sally, has decided to stay another week with her Peeps! YaY!! I'm very thankful for the extra days to spend with all of them.

I'm also thankful that my sister and I have the special kind of relationship that allows for honesty. After the decision to stay was made I sat down with her and expressed how important it is to me to eat healthier/cleaner and have time to continue my Shock Training System rotation this week. She was wonderfully understanding and supportive, and it meant the world to me! We've written out a family schedule and plan for the week including my workout times. I love being organized, planning for fun and striving for balance! It's a family thing. ;)

I felt deeply loved this morning when I came downstairs and the Peeps ran in from outside and gleefully smothered me hugs and kisses. I realized in those bright moments that my latest cancerversary funk has lifted. These Peeps are sure good for my soul...

That schedule worked beautifully today! I did STS's Disc 20- Meso 2 Week 3 Legs (tri-sets!!!) this morning. My oldest Peep came in halfway through and wanted to watch me. She asked very sweetly so, of course, I let her. She sat on my bed, watched me work out, colored pictures of me and then taped them all over the walls.

She draws me a thin person, and I think that's awesome. I hope and strive to be an example of excellent health, humble self-concept, respect and love of your body, balance, and unconditional love. These drawings showed me that the Village of my family that is raising this beautiful tender-hearted young lady are doing lots of things right. I'm grateful to be a member of this Village...and for sisters who welcome me in.

Tomorrow morning we're taking all 5 Peeps to a new and very cool park, and then my sisters and I are taking the boys to lunch and shopping. It's sure to be wild and crazy fun! I wouldn't be anyplace else....

Baby Peep's 1st Birthday & Cancerversary

A year ago today, at about this time, I was almost finished with my very first chemo treatment. This cancerversary is hitting me hard today. I don't really understand why. I've felt overwhelmed with raw sadness and fear a few times today. I had a few hysterical crying meltdowns, even.  I got crabby with the fussy birthday baby boy, and then felt like the worst person on the planet for doing so.

I've come such a long way since chemo, but it feels like I have such a long way to go to earn the title 'fully healthy' again. I don't LOOK like I'm cancer-sick anymore, and that's awesome. However, I still don't LOOK healthy either and that's frustrating. I get angry with myself- with my body- over it sometimes. I do my best to replace that anger, frustration and sadness with thankfulness, peace, and self-love. I kind of forgot about those replacements this morning, but now I remember.

One of the many things I'm thankful for is that the baby Peep of my family was born today. I'm thankful for it because it brings happiness to a day that otherwise wasn't very happy. I'm thankful that I felt good enough to go from my chemo suite directly to the women's hospital. I'm thankful that my sister, Heidi, shared her precious new baby boy with me. I got to hold him very soon after he was born which was a very special treat.

And so did Nana...

I'm thankful for all the time I've gotten to spend with JJ. It was a wonderful gift to have a sweet baby to snuggle with through treatment and these early months of remission.

We've grown hair together, too!

I let his Mama have some snuggle time, too. 

And his Daddy and sister, Kallie, too. 

I've thankful to be able to watch him, and my other Peeps, grow up. 

I'm thankful the laughter and joy my Angel Fish brings to my family.

Happy FIRST Birthday, JJ! 

Good Weekend/Not So Good Weekend

Not So Good~ Friday night's cheat meal of take out pizza after a long day and little sleep Thursday night turned into a cheat meal weekend. This is the problem, for me, with cheat meals. It starts an unclean cycle. I don't even like pizza very much! Yes, I know it's weird not to just love pizza.

Another Not So Good~ Saturday morning I was up early to help my sister with a yard sale. Crazy early- 6:30. Well, it's crazy early to me on a Saturday (or any day, really). I'm not a big fan of coffee (yes, again, I know that's weird), but I filled up a cup pretty quick. Now I could have easily fixed myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, but my mom was bringing donuts so I decided to wait to eat. I, foolishly, let myself think that I deserved to eat a donut for breakfast since I was up so early and it was so chilly outside. A donut is not a reward! It's a junky processed food, remember? The donut didn't even taste very good. *sigh*

Really Good~ The town my sister lives in was having their city wide yard sale, and I had an agenda. I needed a barbel set. Yes, needed is the correct word. Monday (today) was the start of Cathe Friedrich's STS Meso Cycle 2- Hypertrophy.  I'm lifting 70% of my 1 rep maximum for this meso cycle and the weight load is surprisingly heavy to me. So, yes, I really needed a barbel. Brand new shiny barbels are expensive, though so I took this city wide yard sale opportunity to hunt down a used one. I hit the jackpot in the first 20 minutes. I was meant to have this barbel, I tell ya!!

I got an Olympic Curved weight bar, 4 8.8 pound plates, 2 25 pound plates, and 2 4.4 pound plates. That's 94 pounds of weight!! I scored all of this for $7. Yes, only 7 bucks!! I was so excited about it that I rushed off so quickly to share with my sister that I didn't realize that the nice man I bought them from didn't actually load them INTO the car, he had just carried them down the hill and placed them NEXT to the car. Opps!! Silly, excited me! Of course, I went back to get them and I shared an embarrassed laugh with the guy. 

More Good~ Thanks to this awesome yard sale score I had to rearrange my bedroom a bit. I just love rearranging furniture! It gives the room such freshness and a renewed energy. I absolutely love the improved arrangement and all my weights now have their own special spot. 

My heaviest dumbbells get tucked under the desk that's acting as a TV stand and storage center for little stuff, because they don't fit on my dumbbell rack.

The rack (ranging from 15s to 3s) stays in the corner, and is joined by my High Step, thumb weights and my band. The Yoga blocks keep the closet door from banging into the metal weighs. Those little green dumbbells are 2 pounders, and are too small to fit onto the rack. Aren't they cute?

The stability ball now lives in the closet. Closet re-arranging is another day, though.

All I need now is a Altus Turbo Tower so I can pick up, lift and put down heavy weight. I'm saving my pennies........

More Not So Good~ Though I had a fairly clean late lunch of homemade veggie soup and curried chicken with apple wrap I was ravenous by the time my family and I left Mass Saturday afternoon. My mom decided on Steak and Shake since we could sit down with my baby nephew and toddler niece, but it wasn't expensive. I just can't order a salad at a burger place. I love burgers and fries, though I eat them MUCH less than I did a year ago. I ordered 3 sliders. I ate 1 as it came and the other two I combined to save the bread carbs. I made up for that bun with my niece's fries. At least we didn't order a milkshake to share as we've done in the past. Then we went to our favorite local cupcake store- Cupcake Cutie- so my niece could design her own birthday cupcake. I ate a freebie on the way home. It was divine. On Sunday my niece turn 3 and the birthday girl requested homemade waffles and bacon for breakfast with maple syrup. So, ummm yeah, it was really good. Lunch was a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips with a bottle of water inbetween parks. Dinner was okay, actually ate some veggies and lean protein. Dessert was another cupcake and coffee. I've got to improve my ability to eat clean, or at least clean-er, during these weekends! 

Really Good~ The day my niece, Kallie, was born 3 years ago I was living in Naples, Florida. I can vividly remember sitting on the floor in Big Lots and crying while talking to my sister, the new mommy, minutes after she delivered a healthy baby girl. I felt so awful not being there to share that precious day. This year is the first time I'm home for her birthday and I'm thankful that we could spend the whole day together. After waffles, my sister, Kallie and I went to 2 of the coolest parks in Memphis. She wasn't impressed with all the cool new stuff, though, she was quite content to swing on her tummy and go down the 'easy' slides. I did some swinging myself. I comfortably fit into a regular swing now, that was pretty cool. Swinging really is fun. Wheeeeeeee! After a little coaxing and encouraging Kallie climbed the 'big kids' rock wall. I was so thankful to be there with her to share that proud moment! Then we met a friend and her kids at Shelby Farms new Woodland Discovery Playground. It's the best playground I've ever been to or even heard about! Totally awesome, and the kids- of course- loved it!

Final really Good~ I lost 2 pounds last week. Yay!! Somehow these 2 pounds were the magical ones that made it comfortable to wear a pair of pants I haven't fit into since before radiation treatment. I wore those pants all day Sunday and just having them on helped remind me of how far I've come in the right directions. I also fit into a couple shirts that I haven't even tried on in over a year. So, unclean toddler birthday niece's weekend happen sometimes. I'm thankful to be here to share it with my family. Next weekend I'll make cleaner choices and have a plan. Clean weekends don't happen by accident!

Learning from my Meltdown

How do you picture your ideal daily routine? In my mind's eye I picture Yoga and meditation first thing in the morning followed by a healthy protein rich breakfast with freshly brewed organic green tea. Email, FB and Twitter connections. Then I productively work from home connecting with and helping clients in various ways or studying for a couple hours. Cathe Friedrich workout time. Shower, then a veggie rich lunch. Back to work for a few hours. Email, FB, Twitter, food tracking break. I prepare a protein and veggie rich dinner and enjoy sharing the happenings of the day with Mom and whoever else may join us. In the evenings I meet with clients; or spend time with my sisters, nieces and nephews; or chat with my friends online; or read; or meet with friends in person; or provide volunteer Reiki to cancer Fighters or Survivors or by request; or relax with my favorite TV shows and make a meal plan for the next day. Before I lay down to sleep I write inspirational, honest, and sometimes funny blog posts about the positive effects surviving cancer has brought to my life. Self- Reiki treatment lulls me into a beautifully relaxed state and I sleep deeply. 


This is the daily routine that I tried to force upon myself last week in the form of the Google calendar. I set up my whole week starting each morning at 7:30. That approach failed. I rebelled against my own creation. Crazy, I know, but it happened. It even led to a total emotional meltdown last Wednesday. I cried myself to sleep in bed in the middle of the afternoon. Other issues contributed, too, but I mostly melted down under the pressure I was putting on myself to be my version of perfect. Yes, I am perfectly aware that there's no such thing as perfect. I guess I forgot. I blame the chemo-brain. 


Since meltdown day I had been trying to figure out what was keeping me from this ideal routine I had dancing around in my head. It wasn't until this past Sunday when it all came together in my head. I have 3 major challenges to face:

1. My body still requires a lot of sleep. Although it's been 7 months since my final chemo treatment, my body is still healing and dealing with the side effects. One of those side effects is tiredness. I get worn out faster than before cancer treatments. My stamina is improving slowly, and I am very thankful for the progress. I want to give my body the time, space and grace that it needs to fully heal and that requires sleep. A part of me is embarrassed by it. A part of me is frustrated with this body. A part of me wants to ignore it and hope it goes away. My Spirit is wiser than my feelings, though. My Spirit knows that there's no time limit to this journey of healing, and that there's no shame in it either. I must accept it, and embrace it. I also have to take responsibility for it. That means getting into bed earlier so I can get 9-10 hours of sleep each night and wake up before 10am. (Please pay no attention to the time stamp of this post.) 
2. I spend too much time e-socializing. I recently fell in love with Twitter and like many early romances I allowed it- happily- to eat up my time. Even though Twitter and Facebook bring educational and other positive aspects to my life I have to control how much time I spend e-connecting. The time I've been spending online is better spent studying, working or sleeping. Yes, it does kind of suck. Being a responsible grown up just sucks sometimes. I'll suck it up. 
3. The third challenge I face is trying to change too many things about my routine-and, yes, myself- at one time. I think that's the biggest reason my Google calendar schedule failed last week. It felt overwhelming. It LOOKED overwhelming! I'm a Type A personality, and it just doesn't mesh well with chemo-brain or chemo related tiredness. I need a routine, but not a rigid hour by hour schedule. I need self-enforced boundaries that benefit me in a valuable way. I need and want to extend my body grace and gratitude it needs in order to continue to heal, strengthen, and improve.

I recognize that I can't create my ideal daily routine overnight. (Finally!) I do, however, have the ability to take a few graceful and purposeful baby steps. I will start going to bed- and to sleep- earlier. I will limit my e-socializing time to 2 blocks of 30 minutes during the day. I will use that newly 'found' time to study and build my professional life. I will give my body the gift of Yoga at least twice this week and the gift of self-Reiki at least 3 times this week. (I promise I will write something on my Reiki page very soon, too!)


Step by step and grace by grace I will create my ideal daily routine and ultimately the life of my dreams. I'm beginning to embrace the changes I need to make to create the productive and peaceful life I want for myself.  All things in moderation, right? 

Is there anything keeping YOU from the life of your dreams?

 What can you start doing today to move towards it? 

A PB but no J

I've got blogger's block tonight, but I'm going to attempt to type through it. My brain is cluttered and overwhelmed. I'm tired. The new schedule I created for myself has been about 25% successful this week. My biggest issue is getting to sleep early enough so that I can wake up earlier and with more energy. I wish I could blame cancer treatment for this issue, but it's one I've had for many years. I know it's something I have control over, because I've had success in the past. Semi-disgruntled success, but success is success. It's a process, and I'm making positive progress.

I am in tickled awe of all the new bloggers I've discovered on Twitter this week! Every Tuesday night at 8pm CST there a Twitter chat for bloggers who blog about some aspect of fitness using #fitblog. A friend told me about it a few weeks ago, but I didn't really understand it. I stumbled into the chat tonight. Honestly, I'm still not sure I understand it. I had a lovely time chatting anyway. Actually, I did more lurking than chatting because I was stretched out on the couch on a Driod phone. I don't get along well with on screen keyboards. I was too comfy to get up and grab the laptop that was 12 feet away. It's incredible how many inspirational blogs- and people!- there are out there in this not-so-big world!

I'll tell you a little secret. Ready? Even though it's been 7 months since my final chemo treatment, I still get tired out fairly fast. I make a concerted effort each day to spend my energy wisely. I try not to go up or down the stairs too many times, which also challenges my chemo-brain. (Hey, I like to multi-task.) I spend an hour's worth of my best energy most days on a workout. I've switched to late morning workouts this week. So far it's not helping me get to sleep sooner, though. By the end of the day I need to lie down and rest. I don't need or even want a nap. It's frustrating because there are lots of things I want and need my body to do. I know my energy level has improved greatly over these 7 months. And I am truly thankful for the healing that's going on inside. Still, I wish the process would hurry up.

I experienced a personal best today, despite my lingering energy issues. Today I was able to do 99% of Cathe Friedrich's Imax2. I modified to lessen the impact on my knees, and went 75% step-less, but that's THE BEST I've done with this uber challenging yet crazy fun interval workout. It's a PB without any J!

I am quite proud of myself! 

I've been fighting for the energy, stamina and strength for 18 months to do this particular workout. Couple that with starting Shock Training System this past Monday and WOW! It's nifty to the 10th power! This body is such an amazing machine. I keep thinking of the corny clique- takes a lickin' but keeps on tickin'. I love being a Cathlete!

A fellow Cathlete, Carola, is currently Fighting the spread of breast cancer. She's a single mom who is currently bedridden. Cathletes- and many others- have joined together to support her through positive thoughts, prayers, and purses. Please donate as you're able, and offer your prayers of healing, peace and every need met. I truly and deeply thank you for supporting her- and me.

I won, I won!!

I won my first blog giveaway this morning!! Yippie! Thank you SOOOO much, Steff Says! I discovered Steff's inspirational, humorous, and sexy cool blog last week on Twitter. I highly recommend it!. Her blog has some yummy gluten and wheat free recipes with some fun 5 ingredient challenges to her partner. She's all about inspiration, and who's not into that? Steff, you've got a friend in me. You rock, in my book.

This is what I won! I'm super excited about ALL of these books. I've been wanting to read Omnivore's Dilemma for a couple years now. Looks like the time is now. I'm not a runner, but perhaps Chi Running will inspire me to give a whirl. I'm concerned about the impact on my post-chemo achy and sensitive knees.

My best friend's name in middle school and first 2 years in high school was Steph so winning from a Steff felt extra special. I know that's corny, and I don't care. 

True confession, I haven't had time to read anything other than Clean Eating magazine's recipes in months. I miss reading and it's escape and relaxation it brings me. My mom brought me home a couple of books from her book exchange at work two days ago. All of them sound interesting to me, but I gave them the one shoulder shrug because I didn't think I had the time to read. Then I won this giveaway and I finally got the message. I should MAKE time for reading. Hmmmmm.

So, I'm going to put together a fresh schedule/routine for myself this weekend. I have soooo many things that I want  to include in my daily, or at least weekly, life. It's not going to happen by luck or magic. It's going to take a plan of action and practice to establish a this new groove. Here's the beginning of my action plan, in no particular order:

I want more....

Yoga

reading

Self- Reiki

blog writing and development

healthy cooking

chat time with my sisters 

building my professional life

I'm content with the time I'm spending on...

enjoying my nieces and nephews (aka the Peeps)

Cathe workouts

TV (I only watch about 2 hours in the evening with Mom- IF that much)

To gain the time for these things I'm willing to reduce the time I spend on...

Facebook (bummer, I know)

Twitter (sooo fun and addicting- also useful and educational)

sleeping

 (I will be sure to get at least 8 hours, but I think I've been babying my post-cancer treatment body a bit too much. If I discover that I really need 10-12 hours each night I'll make the time.)

How do you manage your time? How often do you re-evaluate? Anyone willing to share a sketch of their routine? Post a comment and share your advice, I'll appreciate it very much!

A Year Ago Today...

Today is one of those weird cancer anniversaries for me. A year ago today I found out from my radiation doctor that I could start radiation treatment on the next Monday. It took over a month to get to that point. An exhausting, scary, frustrating month not only for me but for my family, too. Although it may not seem like a big deal to you, a year ago today it was HUGE scary step forward.

Today my medical life is in a different holding pattern. My latest PAP smear results are 'within normal limits'. Relief! I'm still waiting for a callback from my oncologist's nurse with my blood lab results. I'm assuming, perhaps foolishly, that no news is good news. that's how the medical world works in America, unfortunately. There just has to be a study about how stressful it is to wait for test results that never come... But I digress.

A couple days ago my breast center called me and said they needed to schedule a breast ultrasound. No, they didn't find any masses or anything else suspicious. The ultrasound is necessary because of my cancer history. So, it's preventative. Cautious. And scary and unsettling, too. Maybe that's why the anniversary stuck out in my head today.

Here's my 3/18/10 journal entry: (if you'd like to read my journals leading up to radiation and through radiation click here and here)

March 18, 2010
Greetings all! Late yesterday afternoon the radiation doctor finally called me back with news. The original simulation is going to work, yay!! So, my appointment for the final set-up Friday afternoon is a go. Yay for progress!! I will be able to, finally, start treatment on Monday. 
This cancer journey is tough. These are self-centered days for me. I am so grateful for all of your strong shoulders and Spirits that carry me through each day and each battle. Thank you for allowing me to do what's best for me and my healing journey, and loving me through this selfishness each in your own ways. Your strength and love is God's Love in action. 


March 18, 2010 (very late at night)
I should be asleep right now, but sleep and peace are escaping me. This is totally crazy, because I love to sleep and some people would say that I EXCEL in sleep. I know from my readings, my own spiritual journey and hearing about other people's spiritual journeys that God's peace is there for the taking and in fact surrounds all of us all the time. We've just got tap into it.  I've tried to tap into it tonight, but I just can't seem to allow it all the way in. Self Reiki was good...I hadn't made the time for it in months, literally. It was soothing and peaceful, but for some reason the peace didn't settle in for the night. I am out of balance with myself, and am trying desperately to quiet my mind down enough so that I can find that balance, that peace within myself. 
I am afraid. I'm afraid of being afraid, because I know fear is a negative emotion and I know that the last thing I need right now is to draw negative energy to myself. Yet the fear is there lurking in the back of soul. Will it hurt, even though the doctor says it won't? Will cause embarrassing side effects? I have this crazy visions of soiling myself at work- which is totally crazy, right? What if I can't maintain my weight? The technician made a really big deal out of telling me how important it is that I don't gain or lose weight during these 6 weeks of treatment. Usually that's not a problem for me at all, but you know how Murphy's Law works it's way in at the most inopportune times. 
I feel as if tomorrow's final set up appointment is like senior finals in school. It's the end, and the beginning. So much has gone into this final appointment...almost a month's worth of questions, waiting,  changes, then more questions, wondering and waiting. And now it's here and I have to face it. I can't push it out of my mind and pretend it's not happening or dream that it doesn't need to happen. 
The treatment phase begins tomorrow. I feel less ready than I did earlier today, but it doesn't matter how ready I am emotionally or mentally. I know that when the time comes I will face this square in the eye and I will stand tall and strong when it matters. I learned this from my mother, who learned it from her mother.  I need this treatment to heal my body. Somehow, even through my fear and unfortunate insomnia tonight,  I have hope. I hope of being declared CURED. I have the hope of living in balance again. Meanwhile I will trust that this hope will bring me to the people and places that I need to find to return me to a peaceful balance.

Choices, Decisions and Plans

This week is full of toddlers, moments of joy and sadness, and general family craziness. I was tempted to set aside my health and weight loss goals for this week, but I've done that many times in the past and never felt good about that choice. So, I decided that I would figure out a way to be true to my health goals and create balance during this week for myself while still being a loving and available sister, Aunt and daughter. 

I realized last week that it would be wise to have something quick, healthy and well-balanced for me to eat this week. Soup was the first thing to come to my mind! Soup is the salad of winter for me. Unfortunately, I decided this on the fly so I didn't have all the ingredients I would have liked to use. I ended up with a lentil veggie soup that's quite tasty and used up some veggies from the fridge. I used the rest of a container of organic vegetable stock, water, sweet onion, celery, a couple carrots, a can of no salt added petite diced tomatoes, mashed up roasted delicata squash (a new squash for me which I adore!), half a bag of lentils, some thyme, some oregano, and some savory. I simmered it all in a big stock pot until the lentils and carrots were nice and tender. Nom nom!

Exercising is a major tool in my refining my health. I sat down this morning with my sister, Sally, and talked through an exercise plan for this week. I'm so glad I did!! Just taking 15 minutes to sit and plan out my workouts really helped me think it out. I've got a workout planned every day this week, and I feel confident about being to actually do it! 

Today was a great way to kick off the week. I did Rodney Yee's AM Yoga for Your Week the forward bend series with my 2 oldest nieces (ages 4 and almost 3) and my sister this morning complete with sticky mats in the small living room. Somehow we made it work, had fun, and got stretched out together! Later, we all did a 30 minute Cathe Boot Camp workout. I had fun working out with (and around) the Peeps. They bring a refreshed energy to just about everything.

I feel like I've found a good balance for myself this week. It feels really good to be making plans to help me succeed instead of just medicating my emotions with food.  Surviving cancer has given me a sense of renewal for my health goals, and what I'm willing to do as well as give up to reach them.