I couldn't sleep the night before my port a cath removal surgery. What if the surgery left a big hole in my chest that never healed? What if I can't work out again? A big case of the what if's. I gave myself a self-Reiki treatment, read a few affirmations from Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and watched (aka previewed so I'm a little bit mentally prepared for it) a few DVDs from Cathe Friedrich's new Low Impact Series. 

I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my gut about going through with the port removal. I called a dear spiritual  friend and asked for guidance. He knows me very well and knew the right questions to ask to guide me to a calmer place and form a plan. I decided to go, but ask the surgeon some questions and then decide whether or not to have the surgery. My body, my choice. 

Cancer treatment can take away a lot of power and choices in your life. I didn't want to get the port put in, but I didn't get much choice. So in having it removed I wanted more control.

I believe in Angels among us. God blessed me with a sweet Survivor sister Angel as I checked in. I recognized her by her bright teal toenails. A sister in ovarian cancer Survival, Carol greeted me with a hug and asked what I was doing at West Clinic. She was there to pick up a CD of a recent test, so she had a little time. She met my mom and talked with us about the pros and cons of port removal. She understands the depth of such dilemmas. I felt much better after talking with her, and thankful that God always has His hand of love and comfort on me. 

I was foolishly surprised to get an IV stick. It hadn't occurred to me that port removal surgery would require an IV. Funny the things my mind thinks about and the things it completely disregards. Thankfully, the nurse only had to stick me once. Ouchie!! 

I waited with my mom for 90 minutes with the IV in my arm before I even got back to the surgery prep room. The nurse started the paperwork, and I asked questions. Apparently no one has ever asked these questions before, because she didn't know the answers. She asked a surgeon to come talk with me. She couldn't have been kinder or patient with me, and I deeply appreciate it. 

The surgeon was also kind and patient. He said there was no reason not to have it removed, and explained in great detail why and what would happen to my body after it was gone. There's no muscle involved, the port was subcutaneous (just under the skin). This is important info to me as a Cathlete. I didn't want to damage my hard earned muscles! I felt satisfied and decided to have it removed. 

As I started to undress I realized that I wore the wrong shirt. I wore long sleeve fitted shirt because it's a bit cool here. That was the wrong choice because it was painful and awkward to take off over my IV especially when I can barely move my arm. My mom had to help me. ha! 

I climbed onto a very narrow table that I'm surprised that I fit on. The nurse and 2 surgical techs got me and instruments prepped. I made jokes about blood spurting because they had my covered with blue medical paper and the CT scanner covered with a big shower cap like thing. Even though it was Halloween, no blood spurted out. I was given local anesthesia and something to help me relax, but I could feel pain-less pressure of the surgeon cutting out the port and was wide awake. Yep, that's right. It's an amazing and creepy feeling. The surgeon and I had a nice discussion about finance and in a few minutes I was free of the port. 

After it was out I felt the urge to see this port. The nurse cleaned it up and gave it to me to keep. It's like a cancer Survivor's medal of honor. Wanna see? 

Doesn't it look like a tiny computer mouse? It's about 8 inches long and it's about 1/2" thick. No wonder it stuck out of my chest so much! 

I'm relieved to have this foreign object out of my body, yet thankful for the service it provided to me during chemo. I'm going to keep it as a reminder and interesting show and tell piece. 

I'm counting down 10 more days until 1 full year of official remission. I have something fun and special planned for the blog that day. Meanwhile, here's a peek at how much my hair has grown since the last time I shared a picture. It's still dark and really curly, but I can almost put it in a ponytail. I have so much to be thankful for.... 

Relief. Joy. Gratitude.

I bet you thought I forgot about the promise I made for a fresh post tonight, didn't you? It's ok to admit it. I almost forgot myself! 

I've been waiting for all the final results to come back before sharing about my last round of post-treatment tests, but I still haven't gotten a call back. I've learned to assume that no callbacks are a good thing for cancer Survivors, so I'm going to just flow with it.

I went through the most tests in the least amount time this go round at The West Clinic. It was wonderful to have so little time in the waiting room! A little bizarre, too.

My 9 month follow up I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn from my Port-a-cath, a chest X-ray, a CT scan and a pelvic exam. It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

My Port worked beautifully once again. Yay!!

I was hoping to get to lay down for the chest X-ray, but I didn't. I just stood there, turned, and turned again. I even got an initial 'all ok'. That's never ever happened. Bizarre, but in a good way. It certainly put me at ease. Just having to have a chest X-ray made me a little anxious. I understand that my oncologist is covering all the bases since I am a two time Survivor, though.

Then I was off to the CT scan waiting area. There were 2 ladies already sitting there. They were talking and giggling a bit. The kind of giggling you do when you're really nervous or scared but fighting through it. I thought they were sisters, but they were mother and daughter. The mother had just been diagnosed, and this was her first CT scan. We didn't sit together very long at all, but I did my best to share some Love and Light with her. The scan made her sick and my heart went out to her. Cancer sucks.

I'm very thankful that they have upgraded the chalky CT scan barium drink to one that tastes like plain water. There's less volume and it's much easier to drink.

During the scan I actually felt a little light headed and nauseous towards the end. That's never happened to me in my long history of CT scans. It passed pretty quickly. That short experience scared me a bit, and made me wonder if feeling a little sick in the scan meant something less than good. Intellectually, I couldn't see how but Survivors don't just think intellectually during tests.

On my way upstairs to my oncologist's office (gyn Survivors have a whole special floor), I stopped in the bathroom to collect myself. I let myself cry for a couple minutes because I needed the stress release. Just being at the West Clinic is emotional for me. All I smell in there is chemo drugs and it's so icky. Then I took a few deep breaths, gave myself a quick self Reiki treatment, and thought about all my blessings.

I figured I would be sitting in the waiting room for at least an hour, but nope. Three minutes later I was in the exam room. My mom was running a bit late, but thanks to text messaging and 45 mile per hour roads between her office and the clinic she slid into the room minutes before the oncologist. Is she good or what? Just another demonstration of her awesomeness!!

Thankfully, my nurse and oncologist noticed that I've lost 17 official pounds since the end of chemo! It was nice to get some recognition and kudos from my medical team. Yay!!

The oncologist went through my questions with me. I'm still not sure when I'll have my Port removed. My onc didn't make a big deal out of that at all, so I won't either. It doesn't hurt, and it's not like anyone but me is rubbing or otherwise feeling it. Once in awhile one of my Peeps elbow me in that one tiny spot, but that's about it. I did find out that removing it won't mess up the chest muscles I've been working so hard on building and strengthening. I was incredibly relieved to hear that good news. I was prepared to keep the Port forever if it meant cutting into my new muscles!!

Then it was drum roll time. My onc sat down at the computer in the exam room to look at my test results. This is the part where I was literally holding my breath, and I bet Mom was too.



NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER!! Whoohoooo!!

However, I do have a small incisional hernia from all the scar tissue next to my belly button. And I have one really huge gallstones and a few smaller ones. Neither issue is causing me any harm right now,  so we're just going to watch and be aware. My onc did encourage me to buy a compression belt to wear while I'm lifting weights. So now I look even cuter when I lift. I'm extra thankful that I workout in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Relief. Joy. Gratitude. Freedom to move forward with my beautiful life as a (now) 10 month Survivor. 

Guest Post- Holistic What?

My friend Tricia wrote a special Guest Post for me. Tricia is a fellow Cathlete, fellow Reiki practitioner, fellow blogger (http://mercade.wordpress.com/), Southerner at heart, my Beachbody Coach and is an encouraging and all-round wonderful person. Love and Light shine brightly through her. Read her post, you'll see. 

Tricia, you have my deepest gratitude and respect!

          I became a Reiki practitioner back in 2004 or 2005. I can’t believe it’s been that long!  I hadn’t really heard about holistic healing at the time.  A friend brought it up at work one day, just because she had seen a listing for a class through a community school.  She did some research on it and wanted to take the class.  She had a background in crystals already, so had some insight into the field of holistic energy. I’d never heard of the practice, nor was I versed at all in holistic medicine. I wasn’t really all that excited about it, but it sounded intriguing. I told her I’d take the class with her. 

            After 2 weekends of classes and my first attunement, I became a Level 1 Reiki Practitioner, able to give self-treatments and work on family and friends.  I liked how the treatments made me feel. It wasn’t an immediate feeling.  It took time.  Reiki is a slow healing process, not a quick fix.  I enjoyed getting together with a small group of people and giving and receiving treatments once a month.  Who knew this would only be the beginning of a journey into holistic wellness.

            About a year later, I received my attunement for Level 2 and a year after that, Master Level.  I can now give attunements to anyone who wishes to become a Reiki practitioner.  The title is something of a misnomer as no one every really becomes a master at it! There is always something to learn from and share with others.

            After a time, I attended another workshop, just a demonstration really, on reflexology.  I fell in love with it!  I began looking into the different modalities, for there are many different schools of practice in reflexology.  I found one that I liked and met the instructor.  I felt connected to her, so registered for her course. 

            You might think that I’m a full time holistic practitioner now, but that is not the case.  I still only self-treat with Reiki and give reflexology treatments to my husband who loves them! The treatment with reflexology is done on the feet and he just loves that!

            After that first introduction to Reiki, I became a firm believer in holistic medicine.  I started taking workshops and classes on everything I could. There’s a lot I still want to learn and do, but time and money, especially money, have become an issue over the last couple of years.  So, I wait, as patiently as I possibly can until I can start back up again!

            If anyone asked for a treatment, I wouldn’t hesitate to give him or her one! It’s something that must be experienced and can’t really be explained.  The practice can be described, but the experience of a treatment cannot.  It’s different for everyone.  Someone very sensitive and in tune with themselves may notice a difference during their first treatment, but others may not. I would recommend everyone try a treatment at least once for the experience. Doctors and hospitals are bringing these practices into their offices and patient rooms.  There is a basis for the power of holistic treatments. It is not mumbo jumbo, but a respected and widely used practice to assist in the healing of people with and without ailments.  Everyone can use some healing, whether to relieve stress, increase relaxation, improve sleep and much more!

Cleaning Up

I've been a bad blogger lately. I've had plenty to say (when do I not? ha!), but just haven't had time to write. So, I've asked a couple very special people to help me keep this blog alive and hopping by writing Guest Posts while I'm away on business. Be on the lookout tomorrow morning for the first one!


I realized, yes again, that there just isn't going to be a 'normal' in my life. I'm okay with it, I just need to learn to adapt my clean eating to it on a much better level. 


No, wait a minute. Actually, I kind of LOVE that my life isn't 'normal'. I just want to learn to eat cleanly in every un-normal scenario. The key is planning and having quick clean eats to grab no matter what. I'm going to be practicing over the weekend while on a business trip. I have a few clean-ish protein bars, Clean Eating's Cajun red beans and rice with turkey sausage packed up and ready for the cooler, clean drinks for the ride and the hotel (to save money, too!), snack size baggies of nuts, a bag of organic popcorn for noshing, and my head screwed on clean and straight. 


The past few days have been transitional-clean (yes, I made up that term) after nearly 2 solid weeks of unwise choices while my sisters and their kids were visiting and playing. It's wasn't 100% awful, there were some clean eats squeezed in here and there but nothing consistent. Not surprisingly I felt pretty bad most days. 


I think, for me, part of going berserk is rebelling against this 'new' way of eating that cancer forced upon me. I'm in the midst of my next round of post treatment check ups. (My last set of tests is this coming Thursday, and I should get all the results at the end of the day.) These days have an anxious undertone to them which makes me want to find comfort in food. I know better, yes. And yes I've chosen to embrace clean eating as a long term way to fight against another cancer recurrence among other health reasons. No one has forced it on me, besides me and the research I've done and can't ignore. Still, I forget about all that sometimes. (Damn you chemo brain!!)  I'm remembering again and feel oh soooo much better already! 


I had a fabulous 75 minute reflexology treatment from my dear friend at Foot Steps In Eden on Monday, been doing self-Reiki treatments every day, just finished Cathe's STS Meso 2 today and eats are getting cleaner and cleaner. Ahhhhh. And Ommmmm.


Curious about Reiki and Reflexology? Look for my friend Tricia's guest post here tomorrow. It's a goodie. Many thanks, Tricia!!