Cocoon Layers

In 2 days I will be running/walking a 5K, Teal for a Cure at the beautiful Shelby Farms. It's the first 5K that I'm running, though I've walked a 5K in the past. In my  'far away and with much heavier body before cancer' past.

It's astoundingly wonderful to me that my body as it is now is able to run. I'm in love with the notion that I can define running however I want and no 'running definition' policemen will hunt me down. I run slow, but both of my feet leave the ground at the same time and that- to me- is running. And I love the support and camaraderie of runners. It's great to have people encouraging me, the good for the soul kind of great.

However, I'm not new to working out, in fact I've been a proud Cathlete (avid fan of Cathe Friedrich's workouts) for over 12 years now. Though I share strong bond with my fellow Cathletes, the relationships- sadly- are mostly trapped in the Web. Oh how I wish it were different, though!! My workouts- as awesome and challenging as they truly are- are done in the privacy of my home. I'm generally not comfortable working out in front of people... But this running thing has changed me.

Or rather, this surviving cancer thing has changed me. Now I run in a public park in workout clothes instead of baggy cottons. Now I go to running shoe stores and run in front of strangers to find the great fitting shoes without anxiety. And I'm making running friends. Which feels strange but also very comfortable all at once. I've run with my youngest sister, Sally. And a new friend, who I met online and is a fellow blogger at I Run For My Life, Susan has graciously agreed to run Teal for a Cure with me. She's a seasoned marathon runner and a very sweet, fun and easy to talk to lady. I know she'll help me through the tough spots and keep me focused on the positives. You have my sincere gratitude, Susan.

I'm emerging from my cancer cocoon and realizing that the cocoon is made up of many layers. The latest layer has uncovered these gems of wisdom and change~

I'm not comparing my running to anyone else's, I'm enjoying that I CAN run while challenging myself with each run. I'm amazingly grateful.

The real me knows that it doesn't matter how much time it takes me to complete this 5K on Saturday morning. Sure, I'd like to finish in 55 minutes or less. Yet, I know the true joy and miracle is that I can run/walk 3.1 miles.

Although I wish I had the physique of a runner right now, but I won't let my frivolous ego hold me back. My body is changing... becoming leaner, stronger, faster, more flexible and healthier every week. How my body looks is such a tiny part of who I really am. It's reflecting in my self talk, which is a miracle in a true sense (not a sarcastic one).

Being a runner is in my soul, not my skin. Just like being a Cathlete. I just didn't realize it until I started running. My workouts and runs will show up on up outside soon enough, it was more important for the love of working out- and love of myself- get embedded in my soul.

Tomorrow I'm going to be interviewed on TV. I knew about the possibility a few days ago, but didn't really think it would happen. It's really happening now! Gulp. Wow!! Whoa. I'm honored to represent ovarian cancer Survivors,  the Ovarian Cancer Awareness Foundation, and the opportunity to use my Voice and story to raise awareness of this disease that's avoidable and treatable if caught early. Knowledge is TEAL power.

Counting Down SINS

Five more days of my SINS challenge to go! It's hard to believe that it's been almost 60 days already! It's even harder to believe that my final chemo treatment was 7 months ago! I am so proud of the strength and stamina I've gained and the pounds I've lost. I've worked hard for this progress, and I'm happier, healthier and wealthier for it. Taking control of my health and body has been beyond rewarding and enlightening. I highly recommend it!

On the twelfth day of my SINS challenge I wrote this update and increased my weight loss goal up to 12 pounds. My original goal was to lose 7 pounds in these 60 days.

As of today I have EXCEEDED that goal!! WowWoWwOw!

 I've lost 12.8 pounds in 55 days. 

A grand total of 15 pounds since my final chemo last September! 

I feel wonderfully and thankfully alive! I have been inspired and motivated by the awesome bloggers I've met at SINS (especially Marsha and Adam!) and, more recently, on Twitter. The world of a Survivor can be scary and dark place at times, thank you all for adding Light and Love to my path of healing. 

Although the end of my 60 Day SINS challenge is just about over, the challenge to reach my goal weight, increase my strength, cardio stamina and bone density continues on. I've got 65 more pounds to burn off and heavier dumbbells to lift! Onward and downward with a Spirit of gratitude.... 

Exercising & Countdown

Another countdown is winding down and somehow it's still not quite sinking in. My sister and brother-in-law have moved to Texas and by now have probably unpacked just about everything. Their kids, my Peeps, will be moving this weekend. The new branches have budded out from the family root. I didn't realize how hard it is to deal with people in my family to move away! I've been the one that moved away in the past seeking change, adventure and new-ness. However, when I moved away it was just me going, not me + Peeps going. That's a radical difference. I'm (slowly) beginning to embrace this change and turn my focus on a new way of living and the opportunities it opens up. Meanwhile, I'm cherishing every moment, even the tense ones, with 'my' Peeps.

Exercising is giving my stress and sadness an outlet. Plus, I just plain love doing it. I started out exercising to lose weight over ten years ago, and then I fell in love with it. When I exercise I'm choosing to love myself, to increase my self esteem, to decrease my chance for a third cancer recurrence, and to deal with stress in a healthy way. Exercise is also an escape and a retreat for me. I can shut the world away and turn my attention to my workout. I am so thankful I'm able to enjoy all the benefits of exercising again! I couldn't exercise through much of my cancer treatment this year which was really tough for me, but that gave me the gift of refreshed gratefulness when I exercise now.

I've been sticking to the workout schedule I created for this week. This is what it looks like~
Sunday- (done) Rodney Yee's AM Yoga for your Week, the hip opener series
Monday- (done) Repeat Sunday's Yoga and 30 minute Boot Camp from Cathe Friedrich's 4 Day Split series
Tuesday- (done) Full body weight workout- Cathe's Super Sets
Wednesday- (done) 5 interval cycles using a step which takes 30 minutes- Cathe's IMax2
Thursday- (done) 30 minutes of kick boxing from Cathe's 4 Day Split series immediately followed by Rodney Yee's Beginner's Yoga, the 20 minute rejuvenating session
Friday- (planned) Full body weights- Cathe's Push/Pull
Saturday- (planned) Low Impact cardio- either Cathe's Lower Intensity Step or Petra Kolber's Cardio Core workout from FitTV

What does exercise mean to you? How does working out improve your life? What are your favorite workouts? Yes, I really want to know!

Final Countdown, Part 1

One of my countdowns is just about finished, I go to my cancer clinic tomorrow afternoon for a post-treatment CT scan and an exam. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 2 whole months since my final chemo treatment! I'm regaining cardio stamina and strength at a good pace, and I'm feeling pretty darn good. My feet still have numbness which varies from barely noticeable to very uncomfortable, and I'm thankful for the improvement. 

I'm feeling a bit anxious about the CT scan tomorrow. I've been using a couple different techniques to deal with the anxiety. My mentor and dear friend, Curt (who has 30 years of counseling experience) taught me the value and power in replacing my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. So when my mind thinks about how extremely unlikely any cancer recurrence should have been for me I consciously stop that thought, and I choose to think about how I did during my most recent Cathe workout or I work up a vivid mental picture of the powerful chemo drugs and radiation killing off any 'loose' cancer cells in my body.

I've also been meditating and praying before I get out of bed each morning. I am thankful to have to a very flexible schedule right now that allows me to meditate for 30 minutes and exercise when I want to right now. Meditating and exercising are major parts of my healing and recovery process, and I deeply appreciate the gift of time to focus recovering and healing. 

My Cathe workouts have played a big role in stress reduction over the past 7 years. I love how Cathe challenges and encourages me through each of her workouts! Lately, I've been focusing on circuit workouts. I love how I can push myself a little harder in the cardio segments when I know a cardio break is coming soon in circuit workouts. Then I get to lift weights in the next segment. I totally love lifting weights! Over the past 2 months I've worked up to being able to do a few Cathe workouts all the way through without using premixes (many of Cathe's workouts come with condensed version of the workout to save on time or focus on cardio over weights etc). I still have to modify the intensity and/or impact. I'm very proud of myself!!  Today I did a circuit workout called  Cardio & Weights- the whole 60 minutes! My feet are tired out and a bit achey tonight, but it's definitely worth it! I burned off some stress and calories, and created some very good feelings about myself. That's a good trade off in my book. 

I came across an inspiring article at CureToday.com titled New exercise guidelines for cancer survivors. Since my cancer history is gynecological I liked the article even more!! I would have loved to have clear guidelines to have followed during my treatment as well as post treatment. This article helped push me to get back to regular exercise, and I'm very grateful!

Tomorrow is the 'big' day, but I doubt if I will get the full results from the CT scan right away. More waiting which means more exercising, meditating and thought shifting for me, but I know without a doubt I won't be alone. My family and friends are great supporters and caregivers with strong shoulders. I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one! Despite a bit of understandable anxiety, I truly believe that this scan will prove to me that my body is free of cancer and is healing well. I'm looking forward to hearing my oncologist tell me that I'm cured, or in remission, or whatever label she will use. I already know that I'm a Survivor!

My next entry will be about the amazingly wonderful spa night for cancer Survivors and Fighters that I got to attend on Monday night...

Countdowns Part II

Countdowns are a part of most people’s lives. We countdown until the weekend, a vacation, or a holiday. Some people, a-hem ME, also countdown to things that aren’t so much fun such as going to the dentist. During my cancer treatment I counted down to surgery, then the end of radiation, then the end of chemo with lots of little countdowns in-between. I, also, counted down to moving home so I could continue treatment surrounded by my family. I mixed fun countdowns with the not so fun ones, and tried to focus on the positives.

I’ll have my post-chemo CT scan and physical exam in 9 days. I’m truly expecting positive news from this scan. I’m a bit anxious about talking with my oncologist, because I don’t want to forget to ask any important questions and I don’t want to hear any answers that I may not like. After over a year of waiting, tests, and treatments I feel like I’m finally getting some control over my body and life again, and I don’t want to hear anything that would change that from my gyn oncologist. I want to get on with getting on with my life!

I’m also doing a different kind of countdown. My youngest sister, her husband and 3 of ‘my’ Peeps are moving to Texas in 19 days. I am happy for them because the city they are moving to is a wonderful and beautiful place for a family. I am happy for them because the job my brother-in-law got is a fantastic career opportunity. I am heartbroken to lose them from my daily life, as are my other sister and my Mom. I feel as if I just got them ‘back’ when I moved home 5 short months ago. Each moment we share together between now and then is bittersweet. My middle niece, who almost 3, snuggled on the couch with me last night and was delighted to watch me blow bubble after bubble with my gum. It was amazing how much joy we both got out of those few minutes. I am heartbroken to countdown to this change and can't imagine not having those Peeps here with us. Yet, I know that change is the only true constant in life and that we choose to make the change better or worse by the energy and attitude that we put into it.

Pauline R. Kezer once said, “Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.”

The continuity of my family has always been unconditional love. We live in it every day no matter where each of us are physically or emotionally. We appreciate it, silently depend on it, and recognize that it’s precious. However, a root by itself is pretty boring even though it’s strong. Roots are meant to hold up and feed it’s branches. As my sister and her family move a new bud of change is pushing itself out of the family’s root and is stretching into Texas. The Connie-branch has a new bud of change, too. I’m changing from patient to Survivor, from a life on hold with cancer to a life free of cancer. May both new branches stretch and grow healthfully while rooted in love and powered by positive thoughts, words and energy.

The countdown continues....